anxiety

This weather is like a dagger in my soul. My anxiety level has been about medium lately - which for me is rather high considering I have only had 1 anxiety attack in the last 2 years. Before that, well lets just say I'm lucky to be alive.

I managed to keep it in check at the Mets game recently. But I didnt realize how bad it was in my "old life" until a few weeks ago when I had a full blown anxiety attack at my girlfriend's house. Poor Rob was seeing the "old" Natasha and he didn't know what to do. Christy, of course, was all too familiar with this particular "Natasha" and she was able to talk me down over the course of 30 minutes or so.

What was the trigger of the anxiety attack, you ask? A damn movie. I am Legend. I just couldnt handle the darkness, the dog scene or the evil cries at night and just the thought that he was the ONLY person left in the world in this sorry existence. It was just awful. After I was feeling more like myself, I looked at her and said "How did i survive like this? I was like this EVERY single day". She shrugged her shoulders and said "I didnt know what to do for you, except let you talk".

So now having to deal with some of this anxiety again, I'm a little urked by my past. I know at least some of it is from this weather we've been having. Thanks mother nature. The dark cloudy skies, lack of any sunlight at all, and rain... rain... rain... Did you hear that rain at 4:30am this morning? It was like someone turned the faucet on in our bathroom and the sound was resonating through out the yard! It was so loud it woke me from my deep sleep.

Of course, my anxiety isnt JUST weather related - unless it rains for a week straight, then I am ready to kill someone. I'm sure i could put some blame on the whole nuptials thing and my tight deadlines at work this month... oh and we can't forget the whole baby-making thing, which by the way isnt AS difficult as i thought it would be. I'm really making an effort to not get my hopes up at the end of the month and just be happy that actually get my period. I know it seems like such a small thing...but it really is nice to be regular again.

Something else peaked my anxiety level yesterday. Rob's insurance company called and said Rob's car (and possibly Rob) had been involved in a hit and run with another vehicle somewhere in the Bronx last Saturday at 1am.

Yeah, ok!

Apparently someone reported a similar looking car and Rob's plate number to the police. UGH. The adjuster came and took a picture of his car, which by the way has a little bit of rust on his front grill, a whole lot of pollen dust and no obvious signs of crashiness whatsoever. (Yup, thats right... i said crashiness). And quite honestly, the closest we have gotten to the Bronx in the last 6 months is a Mets game in SOMEONE ELSE'S car! This is total craziness. So hopefully it will all work out. Rob's insurance guy hasnt seen the police report yet, but Im sure it will be interesting to see what it says. We think they have one digit off on the plate.

As you can see, life seems to be piling up on me at the moment, but I'm ready to face the world armed with some internal strength I obtained during the dark times in my life and a good man at my side. Oh, and a massage and manicure doesnt hurt either. Most women go out and buy shoes.... I buy spa treatments.