anxiety

This weather is like a dagger in my soul. My anxiety level has been about medium lately - which for me is rather high considering I have only had 1 anxiety attack in the last 2 years. Before that, well lets just say I'm lucky to be alive.

I managed to keep it in check at the Mets game recently. But I didnt realize how bad it was in my "old life" until a few weeks ago when I had a full blown anxiety attack at my girlfriend's house. Poor Rob was seeing the "old" Natasha and he didn't know what to do. Christy, of course, was all too familiar with this particular "Natasha" and she was able to talk me down over the course of 30 minutes or so.

What was the trigger of the anxiety attack, you ask? A damn movie. I am Legend. I just couldnt handle the darkness, the dog scene or the evil cries at night and just the thought that he was the ONLY person left in the world in this sorry existence. It was just awful. After I was feeling more like myself, I looked at her and said "How did i survive like this? I was like this EVERY single day". She shrugged her shoulders and said "I didnt know what to do for you, except let you talk".

So now having to deal with some of this anxiety again, I'm a little urked by my past. I know at least some of it is from this weather we've been having. Thanks mother nature. The dark cloudy skies, lack of any sunlight at all, and rain... rain... rain... Did you hear that rain at 4:30am this morning? It was like someone turned the faucet on in our bathroom and the sound was resonating through out the yard! It was so loud it woke me from my deep sleep.

Of course, my anxiety isnt JUST weather related - unless it rains for a week straight, then I am ready to kill someone. I'm sure i could put some blame on the whole nuptials thing and my tight deadlines at work this month... oh and we can't forget the whole baby-making thing, which by the way isnt AS difficult as i thought it would be. I'm really making an effort to not get my hopes up at the end of the month and just be happy that actually get my period. I know it seems like such a small thing...but it really is nice to be regular again.

Something else peaked my anxiety level yesterday. Rob's insurance company called and said Rob's car (and possibly Rob) had been involved in a hit and run with another vehicle somewhere in the Bronx last Saturday at 1am.

Yeah, ok!

Apparently someone reported a similar looking car and Rob's plate number to the police. UGH. The adjuster came and took a picture of his car, which by the way has a little bit of rust on his front grill, a whole lot of pollen dust and no obvious signs of crashiness whatsoever. (Yup, thats right... i said crashiness). And quite honestly, the closest we have gotten to the Bronx in the last 6 months is a Mets game in SOMEONE ELSE'S car! This is total craziness. So hopefully it will all work out. Rob's insurance guy hasnt seen the police report yet, but Im sure it will be interesting to see what it says. We think they have one digit off on the plate.

As you can see, life seems to be piling up on me at the moment, but I'm ready to face the world armed with some internal strength I obtained during the dark times in my life and a good man at my side. Oh, and a massage and manicure doesnt hurt either. Most women go out and buy shoes.... I buy spa treatments.

don't even go there

Don't even talk to me right now. I'm having a moment.

Down to the Wire

It's now 3 weeks and 5 days until the wedding. Last minute stuff is well underway like tragic meltdowns over tedious details and crazy facial breakouts. You can actually play dot-to-dot on my face. It's awful!

We are frantically tying bows on favors and going for last minute tweaks on the wedding dress alterations. The shower was two weekends ago and it was quite a nice party. Rob and I got lots of lovely things.

Over the last few weeks we have been approached by many people asking ... "are you excited".... "are you nervous"... "is everything done?"


Yes.... No.... pretty much...

Everything pretty much IS done. And I'm not nervous about getting married, though sometimes it baffles me that I actually found someone so fast. Overall, I think Rob and I have proven worthy of each other over the last year and half. We made it through some rough spots, spats and spits and still we find that the world is a better place when we're together.

Isn't that all that counts?

Truthfully though, I can't wait for regular life to resume at our house!

The $13 centerpiece

I'm quite proud of this you know!! Ikea rocks!

The last 24 hours

What a weekend so far. We spent the whole day visiting people, talking on the phone, planning etc. We went out east, on the North Fork, to visit a very dear friend/colleague and then we headed to the beach so that Rob could do his photography homework. Assignment: Portraits! So guess who was his subject? Here's one of the shots he took of me.

Then we decided it was time for dinner. We were dressed for a decent restaurant, so I thought it would be nice to try A Touch of Venice, that Italian restaurant in Mattituck. I had never been there but always heard so many good things about them. We sat outside on the veranda, overlooking the water and sipped our wine, holding hands, as the sun set in front of us. It was a PERFECT night. I probably could have used a sweater, but the red wine helped keep me comfy. The food was amazing.

The Ring
It's GORGEOUS and SUPER sparkly. The clarity of the big stone is amazing. But this ring is not just some store bought ring. This ring has SIGNIFICANT meaning! Rob had a custom setting made to fit all the stones from several of his grandmother's rings (engagement rings and other stuff). We're not sure how many karats it is, but we are guessing about 1 and a 1/2 total. It's getting appraised next week. I can't stop looking at it!! There's a matching wedding band too, which I got to see yesterday and try on. Sorry for the sort of blurry picture. We plan on taking a better one soon.


Wedding Plans
Sooooo Rob and I thought it would be nice to have the wedding at the Yacht Club (in the town where we live for those of you who know where that is -i'd rather not say). Rob's a member there and we really loved the idea of getting married near the water. We were thinking... about a 100 people, buffet, DJ, and the having the actual ceremony on the beach, barefoot (if the weather cooperates).

The Club only books private parties before Memorial Day and After September. So after hemming and hawing on the fact that ALL of next October was completely booked... we decided to go with MAY! HA HA HA!

Yes, 7 months from now I am getting married. Am I freaking out? Not really.. maybe a little... mostly about getting a decent photographer and getting my dress on time! I have a few ideas in mind for my dress. It seems that strapless is in these days! HUH? I dont think so. I wanted something simple, just satin, white, little or no frills, lace etc. V-neck, short sleeves. Something like this.

I'm more excited than I thought I would be. I always thought i would just elope , get married somewhere in the carribean or something. But being that Rob has never been married, we wanted to do something here. I dont think Rob realized how crazy women get with weddings though! 24 hours into our engagement I was already driving him crazy. HAHA HAHA! Poor guy. I'll have to save my flighting ideas for the "girl talk", until we can narrow down some solid options that we think all can live with. The wedding planning is fun for me by i tend to obsess about event planning. I like to get things done - Bing bang boom - So i dont have to think about it anymore. Ya know?



Overall I'm just excited about spending the rest of my life with the man I love. We have been together for almost a year. Hit it off instantly! Dated for 4 months. I moved in 6 months ago and since then, we have spent every possible moment together. And somewhere, sometime this summer, by some chance, I fell in love with my best friend. And he fell in love with me.