back to our regularly scheduled program

Sigh.

Life is simmering down back to normal; back to what i remember before planning this big hoo-ha! And to be perfectly honest, I'm thrilled. Life without worrying about sick ministers or dress fittings or DJs is so much more my style.

Sure, I like the planning and the excitment of it all. I won't lie about that. But i get plenty of that at work. And so to escape the maddness that sometimes ensues at my desk and in my office, I go straight home to hang out with my honey, work in the yard and putz around the house.

That's pretty much been the plan the last week or so. We've been dog sitting Lex, my girlfriend's golden retriever. He's pretty cool but a little weird. He's definitely good entertainment thats for sure and he LOVES rob. We also got a delivery of mulch on Saturday morning and man does that stuff make a difference! Our front yard looks awesome.

Besides that, I had an itch to bake. My neighbor bought us some new baking pans and such as a wedding gift and i really wanted to try them out. So i made a pathetic looking cake that tasted really good. That's all that really matters anyway right? We served it up for dessert last night to our dinner guests (my parents and my aunt/uncle from Australia). They laughed at my design, but in the end they were scraping the last little bit of icing off the plate. Mission accomplished....sorta.

Other news includes the babymaking progress. Let's just say, we'll try again next month. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow for a Clomid check and lucky us, we'll be ready to "rock and roll" during our honeymoon. I'm trying to stay positive. After all it is only the second month with Clomid.

We leave for our honeymoon a week from Friday and we CAN'T WAIT!

brought to you by Match.com

is it really that big?

If you saw the movie Boogie Nights, you'll understand why I laid in bed last night googling Mark Walberg's name on my blackberry. I just had to share and see if anyone else's jaw dropped at the end?


Quote of the week: A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. - Joan Rivers

butterflies in my stomach

Ive got massive butterflies in my stomach. I guess it's from a combination of things... the wedding... the baby making. OMG Speaking of babymaking. I was so excited this past weekend. Last month, not one ovulation test came up positive and i was testing every day, sometimes twice a day. WELL this weekend I got a faint second line. It's not a positive test for ovulation, but it's definitely coming this week. I was so excited I grabbed the test and ran back to the bedroom to show Rob. Actually, i really just wanted to make sure i wasnt hallucinating. This morning's test was a little darker than yesterday, so we are closely monitoring the situation.

Wedding talk..... Pushing through all the family bullshit, dealing with the caterer, the photographer, the cake lady, the florist.... ahhhh so close and yet so far away. I think though, today will be the last day i have to deal with anything to do with the wedding other than a scheduled manicure. I'm considering a massage as well. I might just make that appointment today.

Can you believe it's finally here? The closer I get, the more I am in shock. I'm getting married again. And trust me, had it not been for this man stealing my heart away, I would not even be considering it.

I'm hoping to get all my shit done at work on Monday so i can take Tuesday off. We'll see.

Can you believe i said shit so many times? I think I'm spending too much time on Six's blog. HAHAHA!

the prophesy

Time seems to be slipping by these days, yet the wedding seems like ages away. Its hard to explain.

One of the biggest challenges is the baggage i brought with me into this relationship. Its so hard not to compare my past with today, even though the two eras in my life are miles from being the same. Its especially hard when planning a wedding. Christy made me laugh one day when she said "you have to do it. It's a once in a life time thing". I just looked at her and said "you mean twice". We both had a good laugh over that one, after all if you dont have a sense of humor about things you did in your past, how can you expect to make anything of yourself in this world. When someone makes a bad decision about something, don't we all say "we're all human"?

Well, I don't really look at my past as a mistake. How can I? My ex is a good guy. We just weren't right for each other. I don't fault him for that and I hope the feeling is mutual. I look at the whole experience as a journey to the life I was meant to have... the one i have today.

I think the hardest part of the whole journey was "life after divorce". I felt as if i was floating above myself.... looking down on this poor pathetic soul trying to find herself once again. Its a tough journey, let me tell you. I've seen friends go through it and never make it out the other side alive; still stuck in their own little bitter world. Its hard to watch them.

Luckily I found the light on the other side.

I remember, some time during my "self-discovery" journey through Europe, I met a man, an artist, in Florence. We shared our life stories as he painted in front of the Academia (where they hold "The David" statue).

"Don't worry sweetheart. You'll make it through this hard time in your life. Just keep pushing forward. You mark my words, You'll be back here next year on your honeymoon".

I laughed at him as he told me a story about a young girl like me who was taking the same journey as me - trying to find herself in Europe. She, just like me, befriended this man, and a year later she returned with her newlywed husband.

I cant deny, my mind drifted off to that dream of finding someone and walking down the cobble stone roads of Florence with him, but I knew my journey was more than just about finding a man. I needed to find my life without a man. I needed to find out who this new person was going to be before i shared it with anyone else. So i put those thoughts out of my mind, picked up my camera, and moved on to the next city with my group.

What i didn't know was that meeting this man and hearing his words were like a prophesy. And just 6 weeks after I returned from Europe feeling refreshed, alive and more like myself than ever, that man walked into my life. He became my best friend. My lover. My companion. And now, almost a year and a half later, I'm marrying him.

I hate to say it, but that sweet man in Florence was right.

the bachlorette party

What happens when you put all my girlfriends, my cousin, my mother and a few people who don't really know me that well in the same house to celebrate my bachlorette party?

Well, I probably can't tell you EVERYTHING that happens, but in a nutshell, my bachlorette party has now been officially labeled.... "The Penis Party". We're talking crazy shit people... I'm not kidding. There were things at this party that i have never seen before. Penis gummies (like gummy bears but in the shape of penises), one rather large penis cake with hairy balls (LOL), and a fun game of pin-the-penis-on-the-cowboy (which coincidentally had a picture of Rob's face on it). My friend polly even went as far as carving carrots into penises for the veggie platter.

OY!

And because it is rather common knowledge that Rob and I are dilegently working hard in the bedroom to concieve, everyone was kind enough to purchase some gifts for us. Most of it was gorgeous lingerie, but then there was stuff like "the turkey baster" and "pregnancy tests" and bottles of liquor LOL. Oh and we cant forget the "banana hammock" (don't ask) and the chocolate nipple pasties. It was all very insane.

The whole evening was nice, except for the part where every woman in the room got to help me practice for my make up for the wedding day.... BLINDFOLDED. I was laughing so hard that my mom got black lipstick on my teeth. LOL. We also had a rather interesting game of "put the broomstick in the toiletpaper hole" and of course everyone went around the room and told crazy stories about me.

My favorite part was the Astrologer. We hired an astrologer and each of us had about 20 minutes with her throughout the evening. She told me some interesting things, and mostly concentrated on Rob and I as a match. She was SPOT ON with 99% of what she said and I offered no previous information to her whatsoever. The other girls also thought she was quite accurate.

By the end of the night i was exhausted and when Rob arrived home, we retired to the bedroom. The next morning, Rob and I were lying in bed and as I adjusted my pillow, Rob said he saw something underneath it. This is probably the only SAFE picture I have that I can share in this public forum, but i thought it would funny. That's right ladies... its a banana. There were also several penis gummies on several windows in the house and on the glass in some picture frames.

All i can say is.....Revenge is Sweet.

anxiety

This weather is like a dagger in my soul. My anxiety level has been about medium lately - which for me is rather high considering I have only had 1 anxiety attack in the last 2 years. Before that, well lets just say I'm lucky to be alive.

I managed to keep it in check at the Mets game recently. But I didnt realize how bad it was in my "old life" until a few weeks ago when I had a full blown anxiety attack at my girlfriend's house. Poor Rob was seeing the "old" Natasha and he didn't know what to do. Christy, of course, was all too familiar with this particular "Natasha" and she was able to talk me down over the course of 30 minutes or so.

What was the trigger of the anxiety attack, you ask? A damn movie. I am Legend. I just couldnt handle the darkness, the dog scene or the evil cries at night and just the thought that he was the ONLY person left in the world in this sorry existence. It was just awful. After I was feeling more like myself, I looked at her and said "How did i survive like this? I was like this EVERY single day". She shrugged her shoulders and said "I didnt know what to do for you, except let you talk".

So now having to deal with some of this anxiety again, I'm a little urked by my past. I know at least some of it is from this weather we've been having. Thanks mother nature. The dark cloudy skies, lack of any sunlight at all, and rain... rain... rain... Did you hear that rain at 4:30am this morning? It was like someone turned the faucet on in our bathroom and the sound was resonating through out the yard! It was so loud it woke me from my deep sleep.

Of course, my anxiety isnt JUST weather related - unless it rains for a week straight, then I am ready to kill someone. I'm sure i could put some blame on the whole nuptials thing and my tight deadlines at work this month... oh and we can't forget the whole baby-making thing, which by the way isnt AS difficult as i thought it would be. I'm really making an effort to not get my hopes up at the end of the month and just be happy that actually get my period. I know it seems like such a small thing...but it really is nice to be regular again.

Something else peaked my anxiety level yesterday. Rob's insurance company called and said Rob's car (and possibly Rob) had been involved in a hit and run with another vehicle somewhere in the Bronx last Saturday at 1am.

Yeah, ok!

Apparently someone reported a similar looking car and Rob's plate number to the police. UGH. The adjuster came and took a picture of his car, which by the way has a little bit of rust on his front grill, a whole lot of pollen dust and no obvious signs of crashiness whatsoever. (Yup, thats right... i said crashiness). And quite honestly, the closest we have gotten to the Bronx in the last 6 months is a Mets game in SOMEONE ELSE'S car! This is total craziness. So hopefully it will all work out. Rob's insurance guy hasnt seen the police report yet, but Im sure it will be interesting to see what it says. We think they have one digit off on the plate.

As you can see, life seems to be piling up on me at the moment, but I'm ready to face the world armed with some internal strength I obtained during the dark times in my life and a good man at my side. Oh, and a massage and manicure doesnt hurt either. Most women go out and buy shoes.... I buy spa treatments.