woman vs. woman

Why are women so unbelievably critical, catty, evil, and belittling towards other women?

It blows my mind how we turn on eachother, as if we are competing for some sort of "queen bee" trophy, instead of joining together and supporting one another.

Sure, in times of crisis we put our best foot forward, but what about those days when life is lacking crisis? Do we feel the need to have some sort of negativity in our life and belittle others in order to make ourselves feel better? Do we crave drama so much that its become part of our genentic make up?

All I know is that I have grown out of that time in my life when my curiosity is stronger than my need for inner peace!

Good Ol' Gramma

Here's the one i have been working on about my Grandmother.

My grandmother has Dementia.

This is a statement I repeat a lot, mostly inside my head.

She's pretty far along in the progression of the disease but still able to function somewhat with guidance from Grandpa and my Aunt. She can do laundry, garden, make her bed, and even make a mean cup of joe, but most of the time forgets what she is doing on her way to the kitchen or the garden or the bedroom. Once in a while I start to really think about the big picture and it's sad to think the Grandma i grew up with is slowly fading away.

My Grandma has always been a very big part of my life. Because we lived so close, as a child I was privileged to spend countless hours with her riding bikes, hiking, baking, swinging on the swingset at the Church down the road and many other timeless memories I hold close to my heart- even fishing, although I am willing to bet that was more Grandpa's idea than hers. She had this way about her. She was strong and tough with a soft, warm interior; soft enough to snuggle when a little girl felt sad or scared. Even today, there's nothing like a smile, kiss and warm hug from Grandma.

But the good comes with the bad and this disease has more than one victim. My Grandmother, though she must endure this for the duration of her days, is not the only one who lives in this twisted reality. All those who love her must push through the thick brush and toss aside the trees and limbs heavily weighted with guilt, loss, sorrow and frustration. It's a journey everyone in my family must travel whether they choose to or not. It's like a lengthy mourning process with hints of Grandma's soul floating through the air.

These days, I still enjoy her company. Her constant repetitive questioning and wandering doesn't phase me one bit. And believe me.... she is quite repetitive. In fact, contrary to popular belief, her company can be quite refreshing. Her ability to state the obvious in any situation is impeccable - and funny. She sees things so uniquely. Her mind has become simple and her view on the world is almost the same as a child - like she is experiencing things for the first, second or third time. Yet she has lived a lifetime and experienced the ways of the world.

Interestingly though, her senses work overtime. She hears, sees, smells, and tastes things in a whole different light. Her undying love of chocolate has exponentially increased and conjures up quite a giggle when offered to her. She can hear bits and pieces of conversations across the room and become quite aggitated that people are speaking too loud. And just like a child, she will point out airplanes flying high above in the sky - something most of us just don't pay attention too anymore.

Intriguing to say the least. And at times, amusing.

Two weeks ago my Grandfather was admitted to the hospital. He's fine, but in the mean time someone (or many someone's) must care for my grandmother. I have volunteered my duties to help in this time of need. So two nights out of the four she was going to be alone, I stayed with her - kinda like a sleep over ...the way i did when I was a little girl

And I only remember one thing and will remember it for the rest of my life. I was lying in bed next to her and she reached out in the dark to hold my hand.

"I love having you here, but i miss your grandfather," she said.

"I love you, Grandma," and squeezed her hand.

I refrained from speaking further because i didnt want her to hear the cracking in my voice as tears streamed down my face. My tears were bittersweet because even as her memory continues to fail, one thing is strong in her mind, heart and soul - she knows she loves the man she married 57 years ago and wants him by her side each night until her dying breath.

Sun = Happy!!

I just spent most of the day outside gardening and planting. The front yard is rockin'!!!

Fashion Show Benefit

For those of you who are looking for a night out, try this.

East End Women's Network Fashion Show to benefit United Way
Thursday, April 26th
East Wind - Wading River

www.eewn.org

Last year was the first annual fashion show and it was a great success. I believe they raised more than $10,000 but i dont have the exact amount.

Three cheers for EEWN!

new blog

North Fork People of Conscience blog. Check it out.

http://www.nfpofc.blogspot.com/

Seasons of Healing

Last Winter I was brokenhearted
Torn in two
But I knew life would get better

Last Summer I learned to live again
Life in the fast lane
Yet, not that fast - it’s not my style

Last Fall I traveled the world
I discovered my soul
And found peace in my heart again

Last November we met
By some unknown cosmic force
You stole my heart from the very beginning

Last month we sat in the kitchen, paint brushes in hand
You were nervous
And in your most confident voice you asked me to live with you

Last week I was frustrated
Frustrated with work, family and life
And you listened while I vented about every little thing

The other day I was so embarrassed
We laughed together at my stupidity
But you quickly wrapped your arms around me to tell me it's ok

Yesterday I leaned on you
And you brushed your fingers across my cheek
Your smile was warm and genuine

Last night I whispered that I loved you
You held me so close
And you whispered back, “I believe I love you too”

All Together Now! Repeat after me.

Regardless of what you may think, I couldn't care less what you thought of him and/or me.

telling funny stories

I've been sitting here working on a piece about Grandma and getting frustrated not really knowing which direction my little brain is going, so I put that one on "DRAFT" and moved on to something more light hearted.

Fortunately, this story also includes my Grandmother.

Last week I was driving both my Grandparents in their car to meet Rob for dinner and somehow we started a conversation about the psycho unit at Stonybrook. I think we were discussing someone in particular but I will refrain from sharing that part of the story.

As my grandfather spoke of his visit to his friend in Stonybrook, I digressed to a moment in time when I had to do volunteer ER work as part of my EMT class. It was more than 10 years ago by the way... ugh. Life is creeping up on me i think.

Anyway... part of my volunteer work was to take blood pressures of incoming patients and that included the incoming emergency psych patients. Out of all my work in the medical field (including 2-3 years on a locked Alzheimer's unit) I had never seen anything like i saw that day in the triage area of the ER.

A woman, combative and screaming, was being carefully restrained to a wheelchair. I watched her urinate all over the place as she laughed out loud with a crazed look in her eye. Obviously there were some major screws loose. It was a sad scene and my heart went out to her... that is, until I read her chart. This woman, clearly suffering from some sort of mental illness, was found in her backyard trying to procreate with a dog.

::: pause ::::

Yes...thats what i said.

Now, I know I got a small chuckly AFTER my shift ended that day. But i wasnt prepared for the response from Grandma when I told them this somewhat amusing story. My grandfather was shocked, but Grandma.... The sounds of Grandma trying to picture the scenario in her head and work out the logistics was probably the most amusing thing I heard in a long time. Grandma let out this great big belly giggle with unfinished questions between each breath of air... "how did she...?" ....gasp...giggle.... "where did he...?" ...gasp....giggle.... "how did they....?" HA HA HAA.

All legitimate questions. Don't you think?

what teachers make

I frequent Denise Civiletti's blog and i thought this was worth posting.
http://civiletti.blogspot.com/2007_03_04_archive.html

WHAT TEACHERS MAKE

The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life. One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best option in life was to become a teacher?"

He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers: "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach." To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher, Bonnie. Be honest. What do you make?"

Bonnie, who had a reputation for honesty and frankness replied, "You Want to know what I make?

(She paused for a second, then began...)

"Well, I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could.

I make a C+ feel like the Congressional Medal of Honor.

I make kids sit through 40 minutes of class time when their parents can't make them sit for 5 without an I Pod, Game Cube or movie rental...

You want to know what I make?"

(She paused again and looked at each and every person at the table.)

I make kids wonder.

I make them question.

I make them criticize.

I make them apologize and mean it.

I make them have respect and take responsibility for their actions.

I teach them to write and then I make them write.

I make them read, read, read.

I make them show all their work in math.

I make my students from other countries learn everything they need to know in English while preserving their unique cultural identity.

I make my classroom a place where all my students feel safe.

I make my students stand to say the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, because we live in the United States of America.

Finally, I make them understand that if they use the gifts they were given, work hard, and follow their hearts, they can succeed in life.

(Bonnie paused one last time and then continued.)

"Then, when people try to judge me by what I make, I can hold my head up high and pay no attention because they are ignorant... You want to know what I make?

I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. What do you make?