How is it that I suddenly feel left in the dust of my own endless bullshit?
Being an "ex" puts you on this whole other level, atleast from my standpoint. Its like 10 years never existed. I am not saying I want him back because i dont. But a little f*@# respect would be nice! He has this "seemingly" perfect little life with a new wife and a kid on the way. I want to be happy for him, I really really do. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, for both of us to be happy and he seems to have found it (atleast from my little loft two doors down).
So why do i find this little thing of being happy for him so very difficult? Because he has tossed every ounce of respect for me right out the window. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA. Maybe i hurt him? Maybe because we never fully had proper closure? I'd like to say I hope his new life goes to shit, but I really dont feel that way.
So what am I left with then? Bitterness and anger i seem to carry around on my shoulder because i dont have approval from my ex-husband to be happy? Screw that. Who wants to live a life like that? Not me. So, please, someone give me some advice about letting this go! Please.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
All my ex's live... two doors down
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Hmmm...letting go. I've been there. My own circumstances - my husband left me when I was 31 to be with his 19-year-old girlfriend. Try to let go of that! But, I found what helps as lot is throwing your energy into taking care of yourself. Focus on doing things you love (hey, Europe! how many other people you know have done that??), expanding your mind and spirit, and nurturing your friendships. Challenge yourself with a class or a gym...even better, focus on your own particular creative outlet - photography!
I have also found that it's normal and valid to be angry. Whether you broke up with him, he with you, or it was "mutual," it has ended and anger is a natural part of grieving. Why do you feel the need to wish him well? Because you think that's what civilized people do? Is it out of some guilt? Once you identify WHY you need to wish him well, maybe you will be able to get past that. He is no longer in your life. He cannot be a "friend." And find someplace else to live, for pete's sake, if you can. If you are seeing him and his new wife on a daily basis, that is such a toxic environment you are in. I would make it a priority to move!
I always wondered about those people who stayed friends with their exes. I don't believe we can go successfully backwards in relationships.
Yes, it is almost like you lost ten years of your life. I lost 9, but came out of it with two children. Be glad that didn't happen to you. I believe it's best for the children for the parents to divorce rather than stay together and be miserable. That said, divorce sucks bigtime for kids, plain and simple.
I remember feeling the lack of respect from society in general when I divorced. Actually, it's not so much a lack of respect as LESS respect than I got as a married woman. It didn't take long to get over that. I hope it won't take long for you, too.
I feel for you, I really do. But I am living proof that not only is there life after divorce, but a happy life as well. We women have great instincts. Trust yours. Cherish your female friends, because they will be with your for your lifetime. Nurture your spitit. Most of all, love yourself.
I hope this wasn't too much all over the map. If I knew exactly why you divorced, I MAY have been able to be more help. But I wish for you the very best.
Oh, one more thing. I found it very valuable to find a therapist. I needed one badly after my marriage ended. It really helps you put things in perspective. Sadly, though, it's hard to find a really good one. But having an impartial person to talk to is so healing.
Peace, Love, Tranquility,
Toni
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