bitter sweet

So looking forward to a weekend of fun with cousins, aunts, uncles...everyone together again for a reunion. And as much as I love to remember Grandma and Grandpa,I am sort of dreading the memorial service for Grandma that weekend. I still cry all the time and i miss them terribly.

Every week i drop my son off at my Aunt's house, not too far from my grandparent's former residence. And every week I think about "stopping in to say hi" and then remember they are not there. It's been harder than I thought saying goodbye to them. They have been a HUGE part of my life.

I guess im just not ready to deal with it....

in my mind

In my mind...

the big red "boat" of a car is still sitting under the overhang.

they are both lounging in the greenhouse with the little space ray heater going and sipping mate.

there's a lingering smell of garlic in the air of their livingroom.

she's loading and unloading the washing machine....

he's creating some concoction in the kitchen with spinach and eggs and leftovers from the night before.

she's pushing the mower fast and hard across the lawn.

he's elbow deep in grease fixing a tractor.

she's clipping lettuce from the garden for a salad for lunch.

he's lounging in his blue chair with the TV blaring... usually boxing or futbol or CNN.

she's sweeping the driveway.... there's always so many leaves!!!

he's listening to a monetone voiced pastor preach the gospel on some old cassett tape.

she's vaccuming, banging into every piece of furniture in her way.

he's putzing on his computer and calling me for how-to advice.

she's bent over in half weeding her gardens.

he's lighting the BBQ at 9am for an afternoon BBQ with his family.

she's feeding the cats... for the 5th time today.

missing her

I was sitting in a meeting with a nice woman at work. She asked about my son and so i whipped out my iphone to show her a picture of Robie from Thanksgiving time. She complimented him on that cute blue sweater.

I broke down in tears.

Grandma made that sweater for my friend's little boy 5 years ago.

I miss her so much.