bitter sweet

So looking forward to a weekend of fun with cousins, aunts, uncles...everyone together again for a reunion. And as much as I love to remember Grandma and Grandpa,I am sort of dreading the memorial service for Grandma that weekend. I still cry all the time and i miss them terribly.

Every week i drop my son off at my Aunt's house, not too far from my grandparent's former residence. And every week I think about "stopping in to say hi" and then remember they are not there. It's been harder than I thought saying goodbye to them. They have been a HUGE part of my life.

I guess im just not ready to deal with it....

in my mind

In my mind...

the big red "boat" of a car is still sitting under the overhang.

they are both lounging in the greenhouse with the little space ray heater going and sipping mate.

there's a lingering smell of garlic in the air of their livingroom.

she's loading and unloading the washing machine....

he's creating some concoction in the kitchen with spinach and eggs and leftovers from the night before.

she's pushing the mower fast and hard across the lawn.

he's elbow deep in grease fixing a tractor.

she's clipping lettuce from the garden for a salad for lunch.

he's lounging in his blue chair with the TV blaring... usually boxing or futbol or CNN.

she's sweeping the driveway.... there's always so many leaves!!!

he's listening to a monetone voiced pastor preach the gospel on some old cassett tape.

she's vaccuming, banging into every piece of furniture in her way.

he's putzing on his computer and calling me for how-to advice.

she's bent over in half weeding her gardens.

he's lighting the BBQ at 9am for an afternoon BBQ with his family.

she's feeding the cats... for the 5th time today.

Recipe for Living

With the holidays approaching, it makes me think of my grandfather, God rest his soul. He LOVED to cook. To him, every day was Thanksgiving or Christmas or Fourth of July and any excuse he could use to fire up the grill or put a pot of water to boil, he certainly did just that!

It was fairly standard practice – and often in unison – when you walked through the door at my grandparent’s house your greeting would include “are you hungry? Did you eat?” He was always conjuring up some new recipe for eggs or fresh pasta sauce or frying up his latest catch from the bay, yet the aromas that emanated from their kitchen had a familiar and comforting place in my nose. He was famous for his pesto sauce and had quite a talent for BBQ chicken and sausage. It wasn’t uncommon for him to light up the grills at 9am and slow cook the chicken all day. My grandmother would run circles around him prepping all the basics; picking veggies from their ridiculously large veggie garden, chopping them into the desired diced pieces, peeling onions and potatoes, grabbing the flour, the sugar, the salt… and of course cleaning up the mess he left behind in a whirlwind of creativity.

But even stronger than his love for cooking was his desire to be surrounded by family and friends; food, although an important part, in essence, was just a backdrop. The old saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” was basic recipe for living in my grandparent’s house, only he was the one cooking and winning the hearts of all who walked through his door.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to make friends with strangers and of course, do what he did best, preach the gospel and prepare a feast for the king of all kings! My grandfather knew more people around the world than I can ever imagine. I’m pretty sure somewhere out there is a man (or many men and women) telling the story of “this one time when I visited Center Moriches I met a man named Martin…” This was how he shared himself with the world and in doing so, he has left a legacy of himself, through food.

So this holiday season, and every single one to come, I vow to make an unforgettable aromatic memories for my son so that my legacy (and my grandfather’s) will be passed on to generations after me. And most of all, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful to have that opportunity.

honoring a life - remembering when....

Said goodbye to your great grandpa last night. It was bittersweet. He was ready to go to heaven, but he will be missed. I have so many stories to tell you about him. So many funny, amazing, and literally unbelieveable stories to tell you...

Your uncle mike and cousin chris said some beautiful words about him. Here's a piece of my brother's speech, which by the way, was amazing.

My grandfather, Martin Beccaria, was unique, complex, elegant, and beautiful. He was a strong father, a devoted husband, a loving grandfather. It is an honor to be here to celebrate and remember the life of a man who touched so many lives of those around him...even, as I've recently heard, the bank teller at his local bank who cried when she heard the news of his passing.

I was thinking for a long time about how to describe my grandfather to people who may not have known him without spouting out a bunch of adjectives, each losing meaning as you make the list longer and harder to appreciate.

I finally settled on three which I think pull out all of the "stuff" that is grandpa, both good and bad, light and dark, easy and hard and mix them all into one. When I think of Grandpa, I think of Family, Food, and God.

Family, Food, and God.

I think about my cousins and the times we spend in grandpa's back yard doing dangerous things with tractors and fire, those memories in the treehouse made by my uncles, or climbing the apple tree, remnant of which are still there today. I learned to tie my shoelaces behind my grandfather's house. All of us cousins have wonderful memories in that back yard.

Memories of sausages and bread plates passed around, sometimes with a gourd, bombilla and thermos not far behind. And the smell of grandpas house and the heartfelt hugs grandma would give, where you could just feel the love fill you up inside. When I was about 8 or so, grandma would give me these bear hugs and crush the side of my head right into her boobs, practically suffocating me. I'm not sure, but I think we all experienced this around that age, or shall I say height. I wasn't sure whether to be traumatized or thankful for the hug. We all have our smell...grandpas house smelled unique to me. Sweet and salty...perhaps like fried garlic and onions. And sometimes aqua velva, a smell I will always associate with him.

Some of the best memories I have with my cousins are us sitting around telling stories of our grandfather in our youth...there were so many of them.

This past week my cousins had a facebook email exchange where we where sharing old memories with one another. As you hear some of these, I remind you to think of my crazy and amazing grandfather. Perhaps you will also be reminded of family, food,and God:
Natasha:
• I remember a few of us wanted to sell lemonade in front of his house on main street and of course Grandpa wanted to teach his grandchildren good business sense... so he charged us for the lemonade, the water and a rental fee to use his lawn! LOL.
Karen:
• He was the best Grandpa there ever was. I remember early morning Saturday pancake breakfasts with his church friends (Helen & Austin Dawson), attending Word of Life conventions with my cousins, unsafely riding on the tractor with him at 176 Main Street and ALL of us cousins "ridin' the blade" (we have photos of this!!!) I remember all of his unconditional love and support my WHOLE life. He bought me my first Smith Corona "word processing typewriter." I especially remember him shipping me frozen pesto pasta during my 4 years at Cortland. I couldn't wait for that UPS truck to get there.

Daniel wrote:
• I remember his love of his CH-evy caprice classic "now thats a car sonny" ....
I also remember trying to make a fire with mikey and chris and phil when we were YOUNG we couldn't have been 10 years old. Grandpa walked out and decided to show us how to make a real fire..... paint cans and gasoline!!!! the ground was scorched for years after that....

Christopher Penney:
• i remember grandpa and i spent half a day sitting in those cheap white plastic chairs on his back patio... shooting bumble bees with a shotgun. not kidding.
• i remember grandpa brought home a purple (for real, Purple) isuzu hombre pickup to surprise grandma. she hated it so much that he sold it a short while later.

Melissa Goodyear:
• how when we were young, he would shoot the cats who bothered his birds, then years later, he would shoot the birds to teach the cats how to hunt.
Kristopher Mattson:
• Pancakes at the Hoiliday Inn. All I remember is we went on one of his trips and had teh best darn pancakes anywhere. To this day I have yet to have a set of them that would stand up to that trip!
Phillip Penney
• I remember one time going over to grandpas to borrow some tools. As I walked toward the shed with him and my dad I saw the back end of a nice white cat and thought wow that is a little strange the cat is sleeping half under the shed...as I bent down to pet it, I called up to grandpa and asked confusedly "hey grandpa why is your cat sleeping here?"...grandpa looked down at me and said calmly "ooh, he’s no sleeping"....instantly I knew and jumped back.

Shortly later grandpa explained to me that “that Son of a Gun" was eating his other cats food...so in grandpa fashion when faced with a problem, he must choose from some of his problem solving tools such as a sling shot, aqua Velva, dynamite, a shotgun, or more garlic. In this case, like many others grandpa decided for the trusty 22 gauge.



One of the things i am most grateful for, is those last moments he spent smiling at my son...his great-grandson.

Love you grandpa... you will be missed but never forgotten!

mommy's log - June 14, 2009

You squeeled like a happy little baby last night and your daddy and I were so elated! It couldnt have come at a better time. Your great-grandpa is going to heaven. Its been a hard year for everyone, but he is ready and at peace. He saw you smile last week and i could see how happy it made him. He's so proud of his status as a grandfather! I have so many stories to tell you about him! Remind me to tell you about the time he wanted to teach us good business skills when we sold lemonade on Montauk Hwy so many years ago!

sigh

The last week or so has been a whirlwind around here.

A few months ago I volunteered to organize our 60 person family reunion. Not much to it really... I just needed to maintain communications with my family and deligate food items etc to each of them. It was relatively easy on my end, at least up until the week before, but stress free for the most part.

We had 8 family member staying at our house from Thursday through Monday morning. The count included 4 teenage boys, a 6 year old girl and 3 adults. It was quite a houseload but again, relatively stress free. They were self-sufficient and very helpful around the house. The boys were quiet and the 6 year old was well behaved.

I also spent several hours in the kitchen on Friday afternoon making a wonderful Argentinian treat called empanadas. My dad used to make them with my great grandmother and a few years ago he taught me how to make them so i can pass it down to my kids (something i definitely plan on doing). So now I drag my dad out on Christmas Eve or the day before Christmas Eve to spend the day cooking. It's great bonding time with him...and I treasure every moment. Its so awesome to see the joy on his face and hear all the stories about my Great Grandma.

In case you're wondering....empanadas are like a meat pie filled with chopped meat, onions, boiled egg, cayan pepper, garlic and other spices. Rob and I have been adjusting the recipe and experimenting the last few times we made them...so the new secret ingredient is pimentos.

SEVERAL hours... i slaved in the heat of the kitchen on Friday. When Rob got home from work he took over so i could lay down for a bit. In the end... we made about 70-80 empanadas (including 20 turkey empanadas for my sister in-law who doesnt eat red meat). Wouldn't you know... EVERY SINGLE one of them was eaten at the reunion!!!

I love making them but I only really do it twice a year extensively. Once at our annual family reunion and the other during Christmas. They remind me of my Great Grandmother who died when i was about 10-11 years old. I didnt get a chance to know her too well (mostly because she only spoke Spanish - and i didnt!), but she was a fabulous cook and she was always giving her great grandchildren gifts "to remember her by".

The reunion went really well. Even Grandma, in her constant state of confusion, did really well. We stuck her a quiet part of the yard with some of the older folks and most people know she requires a peaceful environment to maintain a happy disposition. And considering the fact that this will probably be my Grandfather's last reunion (he has cancer), spirits were relatively high and jovial.

And as most fun parties go...we had way too much food and way too little time.

Our house is quiet again.... and although it was a great weekend spending time with family, we're glad to have our home back...