Thinking Out Loud

bitter sweet

2010-07-21T10:20:00.003-05:00

So looking forward to a weekend of fun with cousins, aunts, uncles...everyone together again for a reunion. And as much as I love to remember Grandma and Grandpa,I am sort of dreading the memorial service for Grandma that weekend. I still cry all the time and i miss them terribly.

Every week i drop my son off at my Aunt's house, not too far from my grandparent's former residence. And every week I think about "stopping in to say hi" and then remember they are not there. It's been harder than I thought saying goodbye to them. They have been a HUGE part of my life.

I guess im just not ready to deal with it....

in my mind

2010-02-15T09:27:00.003-05:00

In my mind...

the big red "boat" of a car is still sitting under the overhang.

they are both lounging in the greenhouse with the little space ray heater going and sipping mate.

there's a lingering smell of garlic in the air of their livingroom.

she's loading and unloading the washing machine....

he's creating some concoction in the kitchen with spinach and eggs and leftovers from the night before.

she's pushing the mower fast and hard across the lawn.

he's elbow deep in grease fixing a tractor.

she's clipping lettuce from the garden for a salad for lunch.

he's lounging in his blue chair with the TV blaring... usually boxing or futbol or CNN.

she's sweeping the driveway.... there's always so many leaves!!!

he's listening to a monetone voiced pastor preach the gospel on some old cassett tape.

she's vaccuming, banging into every piece of furniture in her way.

he's putzing on his computer and calling me for how-to advice.

she's bent over in half weeding her gardens.

he's lighting the BBQ at 9am for an afternoon BBQ with his family.

she's feeding the cats... for the 5th time today.

missing her

2010-01-28T22:34:00.003-05:00

I was sitting in a meeting with a nice woman at work. She asked about my son and so i whipped out my iphone to show her a picture of Robie from Thanksgiving time. She complimented him on that cute blue sweater.

I broke down in tears.

Grandma made that sweater for my friend's little boy 5 years ago.

I miss her so much.

Recipe for Living

2009-11-18T10:42:00.001-05:00

With the holidays approaching, it makes me think of my grandfather, God rest his soul. He LOVED to cook. To him, every day was Thanksgiving or Christmas or Fourth of July and any excuse he could use to fire up the grill or put a pot of water to boil, he certainly did just that!

It was fairly standard practice – and often in unison – when you walked through the door at my grandparent’s house your greeting would include “are you hungry? Did you eat?” He was always conjuring up some new recipe for eggs or fresh pasta sauce or frying up his latest catch from the bay, yet the aromas that emanated from their kitchen had a familiar and comforting place in my nose. He was famous for his pesto sauce and had quite a talent for BBQ chicken and sausage. It wasn’t uncommon for him to light up the grills at 9am and slow cook the chicken all day. My grandmother would run circles around him prepping all the basics; picking veggies from their ridiculously large veggie garden, chopping them into the desired diced pieces, peeling onions and potatoes, grabbing the flour, the sugar, the salt… and of course cleaning up the mess he left behind in a whirlwind of creativity.

But even stronger than his love for cooking was his desire to be surrounded by family and friends; food, although an important part, in essence, was just a backdrop. The old saying “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach” was basic recipe for living in my grandparent’s house, only he was the one cooking and winning the hearts of all who walked through his door.

It wasn’t uncommon for him to make friends with strangers and of course, do what he did best, preach the gospel and prepare a feast for the king of all kings! My grandfather knew more people around the world than I can ever imagine. I’m pretty sure somewhere out there is a man (or many men and women) telling the story of “this one time when I visited Center Moriches I met a man named Martin…” This was how he shared himself with the world and in doing so, he has left a legacy of himself, through food.

So this holiday season, and every single one to come, I vow to make an unforgettable aromatic memories for my son so that my legacy (and my grandfather’s) will be passed on to generations after me. And most of all, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful to have that opportunity.

rough day...

2009-09-15T22:20:00.001-05:00

she's on my mind today and always in my heart.

Solid foundations

2009-09-02T21:56:00.004-05:00

ive been negligent on my blog again. Two weeks has brought on so many new things! Fevers. colds. head bangs. 5am wake ups. splish splashing in the tub. trips to see Great Grandma. And so much more. But most of all, i love being a mommy. Its the hardest, most tiring, exhausting, draining, mind-boggling job i have ever had. And yet... the most rewarding! Love my little squirt!

I think one of the most important things I would want you to understand is the fact that it's so hard to raise a child without a solid, loving marriage. If there is no strong foundation, the 'building' will come tumbling down. Its so hard to see when you've never been through it. My hope for you is to find someone who fits you... who strengthens you... loves you... pushes you in all the right ways... your daddy is that person for me... He's an awesome man!

sleeping techniques

2009-08-19T15:46:00.000-05:00

growing up

2009-07-30T06:28:00.003-05:00

Last night was the second night my little boy slept in his own room down the hall. We all did really well. I only got up to check on him one time the first night and not at all the second. He sleeps 8 hours on the dot every night now. What a relief not to have to get up 1-2-3-4 times a night...

He's also starting to sit up with just a little help. He tends to fall sideways when you let him go for more than a second or two. Its pretty funny to watch. The transformations go goes through on a daily basis is utterly amazing.

He's quite the little giggler. LOVES Chase, our dog and Chase loves him back! He loves to be outdoors. Loves camping. We went camping two weeks ago up in the catskills. He slept through both nights without even batting an eye. We're going camping again in about 3 weeks.

Time is flying by and i'm loving every second of it...

meeting blogger friends

2009-07-15T21:19:00.003-05:00

I had such a nice time meeting one of my blogger friends tonight. She asked me to do some photographs of her kids. Here's one of my favorites. Of course, she said i couldnt show up without the baby! LOL. Both the baby and daddy came along for the ride!

just like her

2009-07-06T11:40:00.003-05:00

the strangest thing crossed my mind several times this weekend. As you may know, my grandmother has alzheimers. There's not much left of "her" anymore... just a shell with occasional glimpses of who she was. It's very hard to watch her slowly drift away, particularly for someone who has given herself so unselfishly all her life.

There were several instances this weekend where i thought "gee ..that's just like grandma..." or "grandma used to always do that". The funny part was... i was the one doing those things... things we always thought were very typical of her...and very humormous...

like....

...bending over and weeding in the garden all day long... even though her back hurt. She just impulsively couldnt stop til the job was done...

Rob yelled at me on Saturday morning because i kept complaining about my back and yet... i still kept going...and going...and going... "you just cant stop can you?" he said.

...or how about when i stuck my fingers in a pot of hot water to grab a piece of corn. I recall laughing at her as a child when she did this... and of course, i laughed at myself when i reached in the hot water and did the same thing the other night.

...or how about mowing the lawn. Grandma was notorious for pushing the little mower around her big backyard while grandpa sat upon his ride-on tractor(his throne). She claimed it was good exercise...and it is! After eating tons of crap this weekend and various BBQs etc, I told Rob i really needed to go for a walk last night. He said "how about mowing the lawn instead"!

So there was...pushing the little red push mower (that grandpa bought for us as a wedding present by the way)thinking how "grandma" this whole scene was. The old man from across the street watched in aw as I pushed pushed pushed...

I pushed until rob came outside with a big smile on his face.

"Come watch this".

My son had reached a milestone in his life... he rolled from his belly to his back. We were so excited for him! He's one step closer to his independence. You can see the determination in his eye when he wants to grab something. He's very "grandma" that way...

This thought made me smile as i finished pushing the mower around the lawn with determination and pride in my step... just like grandma.

mommy log - June 27th

2009-06-27T20:26:00.007-05:00

found you on your belly in your crib the other morning. Shocked me a little but i was so proud. I did however leave you that way for a little while to see if you could roll back. Not yet i guess.

Aunt Christy also gave us her exersaucer. You seem to like it and your ability to maneuver around in it surprises us. You seem to LOVE peaches but only when daddy feeds them to you LOL. Go figure. Tomorrow starts apple. Then in a few days, pear. I love making baby food for you, but i dont love the big fat burn i have on my arm from doing it! ::: sigh ::: The pains of loving your child!

We also went to visit your great-grandma today and finally had a pleasant hour or so with her before she started getting anxious. She kissed your cheek, your feet, and your hands several times. She LOVED seeing you smile and laugh. And i was thankful for the exchange between all three of us after a few not so great visits.

I miss grandma... i miss the woman she used to be. I miss our walks... our bread baking... our chats about "my happiness". "Are you happy?", she always asked. It was always her sincerest desire for her children and grandchildren to be happy.

honoring a life - remembering when....

2009-06-21T21:37:00.006-05:00

Said goodbye to your great grandpa last night. It was bittersweet. He was ready to go to heaven, but he will be missed. I have so many stories to tell you about him. So many funny, amazing, and literally unbelieveable stories to tell you...

Your uncle mike and cousin chris said some beautiful words about him. Here's a piece of my brother's speech, which by the way, was amazing.

My grandfather, Martin Beccaria, was unique, complex, elegant, and beautiful. He was a strong father, a devoted husband, a loving grandfather. It is an honor to be here to celebrate and remember the life of a man who touched so many lives of those around him...even, as I've recently heard, the bank teller at his local bank who cried when she heard the news of his passing.

I was thinking for a long time about how to describe my grandfather to people who may not have known him without spouting out a bunch of adjectives, each losing meaning as you make the list longer and harder to appreciate.

I finally settled on three which I think pull out all of the "stuff" that is grandpa, both good and bad, light and dark, easy and hard and mix them all into one. When I think of Grandpa, I think of Family, Food, and God.

Family, Food, and God.

I think about my cousins and the times we spend in grandpa's back yard doing dangerous things with tractors and fire, those memories in the treehouse made by my uncles, or climbing the apple tree, remnant of which are still there today. I learned to tie my shoelaces behind my grandfather's house. All of us cousins have wonderful memories in that back yard.

Memories of sausages and bread plates passed around, sometimes with a gourd, bombilla and thermos not far behind. And the smell of grandpas house and the heartfelt hugs grandma would give, where you could just feel the love fill you up inside. When I was about 8 or so, grandma would give me these bear hugs and crush the side of my head right into her boobs, practically suffocating me. I'm not sure, but I think we all experienced this around that age, or shall I say height. I wasn't sure whether to be traumatized or thankful for the hug. We all have our smell...grandpas house smelled unique to me. Sweet and salty...perhaps like fried garlic and onions. And sometimes aqua velva, a smell I will always associate with him.

Some of the best memories I have with my cousins are us sitting around telling stories of our grandfather in our youth...there were so many of them.

This past week my cousins had a facebook email exchange where we where sharing old memories with one another. As you hear some of these, I remind you to think of my crazy and amazing grandfather. Perhaps you will also be reminded of family, food,and God:
Natasha:
• I remember a few of us wanted to sell lemonade in front of his house on main street and of course Grandpa wanted to teach his grandchildren good business sense... so he charged us for the lemonade, the water and a rental fee to use his lawn! LOL.
Karen:
• He was the best Grandpa there ever was. I remember early morning Saturday pancake breakfasts with his church friends (Helen & Austin Dawson), attending Word of Life conventions with my cousins, unsafely riding on the tractor with him at 176 Main Street and ALL of us cousins "ridin' the blade" (we have photos of this!!!) I remember all of his unconditional love and support my WHOLE life. He bought me my first Smith Corona "word processing typewriter." I especially remember him shipping me frozen pesto pasta during my 4 years at Cortland. I couldn't wait for that UPS truck to get there.

Daniel wrote:
• I remember his love of his CH-evy caprice classic "now thats a car sonny" ....
I also remember trying to make a fire with mikey and chris and phil when we were YOUNG we couldn't have been 10 years old. Grandpa walked out and decided to show us how to make a real fire..... paint cans and gasoline!!!! the ground was scorched for years after that....

Christopher Penney:
• i remember grandpa and i spent half a day sitting in those cheap white plastic chairs on his back patio... shooting bumble bees with a shotgun. not kidding.
• i remember grandpa brought home a purple (for real, Purple) isuzu hombre pickup to surprise grandma. she hated it so much that he sold it a short while later.

Melissa Goodyear:
• how when we were young, he would shoot the cats who bothered his birds, then years later, he would shoot the birds to teach the cats how to hunt.
Kristopher Mattson:
• Pancakes at the Hoiliday Inn. All I remember is we went on one of his trips and had teh best darn pancakes anywhere. To this day I have yet to have a set of them that would stand up to that trip!
Phillip Penney
• I remember one time going over to grandpas to borrow some tools. As I walked toward the shed with him and my dad I saw the back end of a nice white cat and thought wow that is a little strange the cat is sleeping half under the shed...as I bent down to pet it, I called up to grandpa and asked confusedly "hey grandpa why is your cat sleeping here?"...grandpa looked down at me and said calmly "ooh, he’s no sleeping"....instantly I knew and jumped back.

Shortly later grandpa explained to me that “that Son of a Gun" was eating his other cats food...so in grandpa fashion when faced with a problem, he must choose from some of his problem solving tools such as a sling shot, aqua Velva, dynamite, a shotgun, or more garlic. In this case, like many others grandpa decided for the trusty 22 gauge.

One of the things i am most grateful for, is those last moments he spent smiling at my son...his great-grandson.

Love you grandpa... you will be missed but never forgotten!

mommy's log - June 14, 2009

2009-06-13T23:09:00.003-05:00

You squeeled like a happy little baby last night and your daddy and I were so elated! It couldnt have come at a better time. Your great-grandpa is going to heaven. Its been a hard year for everyone, but he is ready and at peace. He saw you smile last week and i could see how happy it made him. He's so proud of his status as a grandfather! I have so many stories to tell you about him! Remind me to tell you about the time he wanted to teach us good business skills when we sold lemonade on Montauk Hwy so many years ago!

mommy's log - June 11, 2009

2009-06-11T14:03:00.004-05:00

Started making baby food for you today! Lots of yummy colors and flavors. My goal is to see that you arent as picky of an eater as I was (and still am). We started giving you a little rice cereal and, this week, oatmeal. So far you love oatmeal. Rice cereal.. not so much.

its been a busy week for us, little man! so many photoshoots and now you have taken to crying for a couple of hours almost every night. Not sure what this is about but i had to reposition a comfortable chair under the ceiling fan because that is the only thing that calms you down. I'm thinking you actually might be teething... you chew on your fingers and make a big frown on your face and sad noises. The wash cloth thing seems to help too. I decided to give you tylenol as well when you start crying. I feel so bad for you!

mommy's log - June 4, 2009

2009-06-04T09:36:00.002-05:00

well, so much for the sleeping through the night. I fed you at midnight last night and you still found the need to wake at 430am for a diaper change and a bottle! I dont mind. You're still really little so its expected that your schedule is somewhat erratic!

We're sitting on the bed today. Its kinda rainy and chilly (at least for June) and so we are both in PJs. I am folding laundry and watching a special on the Obama's.

You're such a funny little guy... you freak out when i sneeze so i really have to becareful when i let it loose! Just this morning, I had to blow my nose and it scared the daylights out of you. You make such a cute little pouty face that all i can do is giggle as you scream in my arms.

Of course right now, you're all smiles! And that makes me very happy!

mommy's log - May 30th

2009-05-30T22:06:00.003-05:00

milestone today!

You slept through the whole night last night... 930pm to 5:30am. Im still in shock and anxiously waiting to see if we'll have a repeat session tonight.

I think i was only slightly more excited when i found i was pregnant!

mommy's log - may 29, 2009

2009-05-29T10:15:00.000-05:00

its been a rough week for both of us. Mommy's sick and you're sick of mommy being sick! I totally get that kiddo! Next week will be better... walks to the park... more outside time... and we'll get to spend time with Great Grandma and Great Grandpa since they are moving back to NY this weekend.

You are growing so fast. I can't get over how much your face looks more like a little boy, instead of the tiny little newborn i brought home more than 3 months ago. You've started getting interested in the TV this week, so we bought you a baby mozart dvd that you seem quite intrigued with. Even I like it. It's relaxing and a great way for us to sit and chill together. I even have it playing right now as you sleep next to me on my bed.

Your smile kills me! And you started giggling for daddy this week. For some reason you find him entertaining. Must be the funny faces he makes! You thought it was pretty funny that daddy teased you about "spewing all over mommy" the other day. I wasn't as amused of course, but i loved hearing you giggle and I love that you have a special bond with your daddy.

There are so many things i look forward to doing with you in the near and distant future, but then i remember that I simply must enjoy these days with you as an infant because they will never ever come again.

baby blues

2009-05-17T14:48:00.003-05:00

baby blues...

We are hoping he will keep his blue eyes... its fairly likely since we both have blue eyes as well.

He'll be three months this week. Where has time gone? He came down with a cold this weekend. Poor thing. Its not too bad and he's mostly in good spirits.... just stuffy and coughing a little. He should be fine in a few days im sure!

Motherhood agrees with me. I love being a mom. Of course there are good days and bad days but I love knowing the intimate details of what makes my boy cry, talk, coo... what comforts him when he's sad or mad. He and i are still getting to know each other but the last week or so has been so awesome. He's started smiling and cooing so much. He recognizes my voice and looks for me in the room when he hears me. Same with his daddy. I guess that's a good sign that we are doing something right!

tender moments

2009-05-12T05:56:00.004-05:00

Is there anything more precious in the whole world than the man you love comforting your child? My little man just wasnt having anything to do with me last night. He was cranky and tired but mommy couldnt hold him right. Five minutes in daddy's arms and he stopped crying and fell fast asleep. I had to capture the moment. It was so tender, i almost cried.

family

2009-05-06T09:59:00.010-05:00

I'm having a great time here in Maryland with my aunts and cousins. My cousin melissa, mother to three girls (5,4,and 7 months) opened up her home to me and we fit right in.... yours, mine and ours. She and I are enjoying our time together and i am learning lot about her photography business while im down here. She's taken a few shots of my little one and im hoping to get some of the two of us together this week before we head home.

I've been picking up my camera a bit more down here and taking shots of her and her family. When youre the photographer, you're never in the picture, so i told her i would snap some for her.

I also took this one of my little boy after he fell asleep on the couch next to me last night.

my visit to maryland... so far

2009-05-05T06:56:00.008-05:00

snapped some shots while visiting my cousin and her three beautiful daughters this week. I also had a chance to see my grandparents. My grandmother has alzheimers so 99% of the time she doesnt even know who i am or who my baby is, but it was so nice to see how big of a smile she had when she held him. my cousin took the picture of me with Grandma.

north fork

2009-04-15T18:56:00.005-05:00

Since i moved to Sayville a couple of years ago, my visits to the north fork are limited. But today i got to head out to see some friends and stop at the Catapano Goat Farm. She's open for the season and is doing some fun stuff this summer. Soon she'll be announcing a "name the baby goat" contest with the latest little one's arrival (yesterday).

Things I learned as a new mommy:

2009-04-13T15:23:00.004-05:00

our little boy is growing so fast! Where does the time go?

Things I learned as a new mommy:

1. to eat a meal with my right hand (when im left handed)
2. to change a diaper quick enough before getting christened
3. I married the greatest man on earth.
4. i never thought i could love my husband more than i already did... but i do.
5. to use all the newborn clothes you possibly can because they grow out of them before you can blink!
6. baby blues SUCK but it DOES eventually go away!
7. being a stay at home mommy ROCKS!
8. advice from family and friends is priceless, but in the end you must do what you feel is right for your family.
9. that five minutes of quality time with your baby out weighs a clean house, finished laundry and paid bills any day of the week and twice on sunday!
10. nothing... and i mean nothing... gives you a warm tingly feeling inside like the first time your child looks at you and smiles.

pictures

2009-04-01T11:20:00.006-05:00

i started writing about my whole birthing experience and i dont know if im going to share it yet, but its still a work in progress. Until then... here's some new pictures i took today.

New Arrival

2009-03-09T15:36:00.001-05:00

our boy has arrived. I havent posted much on here but will be writing about the whole experience soon when my husband goes back to work on Thursday. I have alot to say.

The Grand Finale

2009-02-20T00:08:00.003-05:00

Well, it looks like the grand finale of this 9 month fiasco is going to planned out (pending i last the weekend). The doctor scheduled me for induction on Tuesday evening with a projected birth of Wednesday. We're looking forward to the big day and will probably spend the weekend cleaning and preparing for our little one's arrival.

At the appt today, the sonogram estimated baby's weight at 8lbs 6oz. His head is nearly 10cm. Is anyone cringing yet? I am! my blood pressure is with in range but they are still keeping me under close watch. All the tests i have taken in the last few weeks have shown no signs of stress for me or the baby. All great news.

Im fortunate in that Rob will be home with me for 2 weeks, not including hospital time. It will be a wonderful asset to have him around. He's going to be a wonderful daddy. He's proven himself worthy in the way he has provided for his family on a daily basis in the last months.

Rob's parents have been in South Carolina for the last two weeks and their arrival home will be timed perfectly on Sunday afternoon. My parents are still in florida, but my mom will arrive home just in time on Wednesday to shoot home and then head to the hospital to visit. My dad will be following a couple of days later I assume.

We are super excited that we finally have an end to this stage and moving into the next one with open arms and much anticipation. We look forward to meeting this little one who has slowly and surely tortured me over the last several months.

I still feel like this is all a dream. someone pinch me please.

endless dreams

2009-02-17T10:21:00.004-05:00

you know how they say if you die in your dreams, you die in real life? I dont know if it's really true but i can say that something similar has happened to me (sans death).

I often have these recurring theme dreams where i am running from building to building or house to house looking for a bathroom. My bladder is almost always full and i'm pretty darn desperate to relieve myself. Sometimes i even find a stall where the door is intact, the seat isnt gross and the plumbing is actually working and when i go to try and relieve myself, it just WONT come out....

....except this one time.

I swear its only ever happened once where began to actually "go". Well, at least in my adult life. I was in my early 20s at the time and man was it embarrassing.

Well, today, i feel like im having a similar dream, but thank god, no bathroom necessary for this dream.

You see, I've always wanted to have a baby and so, this being part of my dream, I have endured a tough pregnancy and now coming to the end, i feel like it's just never going to happen. I seek the end of this chapter with eagerness and anxiously await to start the next. I'm in my bathroom nightmare again, no end in sight...no relief from this constant pressure and discomfort..

....and yet, ironically enough, I visit the bathroom 3-4 times a night these days! Go figure!

Maybe i really am dreaming? Maybe i'm not really pregnant and i'm just waiting to "wake up" only to discover my life is dismal and empty with no husband, no bulging belly, no overwhelming happiness in my heart. I fear the worst, that the climax of this dream will be me holding my child in my arms only to be woken by some strange noise in my lonely house and empty bed.

I know it sounds sad, but i'm hormonal and i cant really help it.

Capturing history

2009-02-15T17:26:00.002-05:00

One last picture of me before my belly disappears (we hope!).

update

2009-02-12T10:08:00.004-05:00

I have not written in quite some time but most of my blog readers get updates on facebook. Im still pregnant!! What fun this has turned out to be. I have been taken out of work however, due to some blood pressure issues. I was on bedrest all week last week but not I have been given the blessing of the doctors to "walk the baby out". And so i am trying to remain as active as i can these days.

Im having contractions now and then and I even ended up at the hospital a couple of times last week for labor checks with no luck. I was there all day on Monday, and somehow three women had their babies and I went home pregnant. UGH!

Anyway, I was given a wonderful baby shower about three weeks ago. It was so relaxed and so nice. Rob and I are pretty much set with everything... the nursery is complete. The carseat is installed. We are READY but this little boogerhead is not. So we will let him cook a little longer. I just hope he knows he's coming out whether he likes it or not in the next couple of weeks. We are very eager to meet him as is the rest of the world.

thoughts

2009-02-12T10:00:00.003-05:00

i feel for those who
miss out on iconic
moments in life.
Moments that define
the future and send
a message to those
who love them and
are loved by them:
abandonment, saddness,
disrespect. Those left
behind are left to wonder
what they did wrong,
why they were left behind,
and how they will never,
ever, do it to anyone else
in the future.
The choice is theirs,
but the effect is everlasting.

old timers

2009-01-15T09:36:00.003-05:00

What a day I had the other day.

I decided, since I was heading home early, that i was going to stop and do the food shopping for the week.

I rummaged around the market for about 30-40 minutes gathering up everything on our mental list for dinners this week. I got on line (not the eself-checkout like I usually do because I wanted help with bagging since I’m so unbelievably slow in everything I do these days).

There was a man in front of me and a woman in front of him just finishing up her transaction. The lines were full, but not out of control. However, at this point it wasn’t HOW many people were on line, it was more about WHO was on line.

Here I am almost 34 weeks pregnant, belly out to here (visualization of me patting my tummy) and I was surrounded by old people.

I love old people.. really I do.

I used to work in a nursing home. However, with that experience comes insight in to a deep, mysterious, complex, eccentric group of people with their own agenda. Though I will admit, the insight does nothing for you when you try to understand their decision making and thought process. Somewhere in that brain the synapses aren’t quite firing right and so their actions are out control.They have no sense of their surroundings.

My biggest pet peeve is their inability to truly comprehend and respect of anyone else’s feelings, thoughts, and space. Tunnel vision is what I call it. They can only handle their own little world right there in front of them and any other kind of interruption into their current thought process makes them cranky and stupid.

THIS is where I continue with my supermarket story.

As the man in front of me on line paid for his things, I, slowly and surely, emptied my cart onto the moving conveyor belt and the young (very young) boy began to scan my items. I noticed several people (the older kind) behind me in line, practically breathing down my cart, anxiously waiting their turn to put their items on the conveyor as well. When I was done emptying my basket, I moved to the other end of the counter where I began to bag my items.

What I didn’t expect was for the lady behind me to follow me all the way to the paying counter where she stood and emptied her cart and acted like it was her turn. I tried not be my “pregnant” hormonal self and just ignored her as much as i can, but i couldnt help but be annoyed that she was invading my space.

I continued to bag when I realized the young boy was scanning a big head of broccoli…

EWWW.

I hate broccoli and I would never put it in my card. Apparently he had scanned several of this woman’s groceries with my things. I corrected him and he took them off the bill. The woman, standing at the paying counter, grabbed the bagged birthday card I bought for Rob and said “don’t forget this”. I looked at her and said, “I know, im still bagging my things and I have to pay”.

She looked dumbfounded, like "I" was doing something wrong.

What do you mean you didnt pay yet? It's MY turn... hurry up. What's your problem anyway. All these thoughts were protruding from her eyes as she glared at me.

At that point I was pissed that I was being rushed and pushed right out of my spot. Her cart completely blocked me from getting to the electronic paying machine at the counter. I told her she had to back up so I could pay my bill. She turned to back up and began pushing this old man behind her and yelling at him to back up. All the while rolling her eyes as she did it...thinking 'ughh.. this lady doesnt know what she's doing'.

Of course, that poor old man... completely oblivious to what was going on... was busy putting his canned goods neatly on the conveyor belt. He couldn’t hear her (or chose to ignore her). The whole scene began to escalate and soon the man was yelling at her without even looking up to see what was the problem. It was a nightmare and all because these people had no patience or sense enough to observe that it was still my turn.

Somehow, I managed to get in there to pay my bill. Then I grabbed my cart and practically ran out of the store before I burst in to a rage of fury!

When I finally got to my car i breathed a sigh of relief!! I think I'll stick to shopping with my hubby in the future. It just seems to be so much less tramautic!

I piled all the groceries into my trunk when I realized....

CRAP...I have that lady’s roast AND I paid for it too!

I just wanted to get the hell out of Dodge! And so ... I left... roast and all!

scams

2008-12-31T12:16:00.003-05:00

I can deal with a lot of things, but i REALLY have a passionate dislike for networks who play commercials LOUDER than the tv show/movie. All of a sudden they go to commercial and BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM the volume hits you like a brick wall and you're like WHAT THE HECK!!????

For a long time now the networks are wasting their supposed scam on me.

I found a cure to the insensitive and annoying marketing scam of the century.

It's called the mute button!

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

2008-12-18T14:06:00.000-05:00

(i couldnt resist posting this one)

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully,'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree . . . .

hey mom, when you gonna be done in there??!!

2008-12-17T09:42:00.000-05:00

I cant even go to the bathroom alone these days.

my absense

2008-12-16T12:30:00.002-05:00

My absence in the last 15 days, as most of you are aware, is related to my health. About 10 days ago I came down with a nasty cold which morphed through several seasons all on its own, from sore throat to back drip to nasal congestion and now a cough and laryngitis. All of this was accompanied by insomnia and/or inability to sleep despite complete and utter exhaustion.

But in addition to my current germ battle, also comes another battle for my attention: Facebook. That’s right, I have facebookitis. I’m addicted to facebook. And it’s been particularly challenging since most of my family and friends and almost all my blog friends are on my friends list and casually updating their page every day with pictures, quotes, comments etc. I’m glued to their every move, trying to keep up with their world (in addition to my own). In the non-web-world this would be considered “nosey-neighbor” behavior; like the old lady next door who’s dog barks at every opportunity and soon after, her little beady eyes are staring at me from her first floor window. Now don’t get me wrong, I love my neighbor. She’s a doll and to be perfectly honest, it’s nice having a “free” security system permanently installed on my block.

And I suppose her behavior is somewhat acceptable at her age, when she has nothing better to do than watch what others are doing and have an opinion about it. I particularly find this beneficial when I want to catch up on my gossip in the neighborhood. She knows everyone and everything….good and bad.

Like how the couple across the street are getting a divorce and that the husband moved out last spring.

Or how the family diagonal from her are going on a vacation to Vermont for 10 days (and that she’s offered to pick up their mail and newspapers so it doesn’t look like the house is empty).

Or how the old man down the road bought a new dog from the dog shop in town (which has since been closed down by the Health Department or something) and how he “illegally” let’s it wander through the neighborhood. This pisses her off to no end, let me tell you!

She’s also on the up-and-up on who bought and sold what house in the area and her history as a healthcare professional shines through when she shares her advice on healthy eating and the “good” doctors to go to in the area for certain medical problems. She’s also pretty knowledgeable about home remedies and has even offered me her pram to walk the baby in the summer.

I often wonder if I’ll end up just like her in my old age…staring out my window and taking notes of everyone’s coming and going behavior. Then again… one might already attribute this behavior with a more modern disease…that’s right… facebookitis. I think I just aged about 50 years without even realizing it.

the little things

2008-12-01T11:24:00.001-05:00

How bad is it when you get excited about going to the gas station and asking the attendant to "fill 'er up"?

$1.99 a gallon people! I feel like we are on the brink of something bad here.

belly shot - almost 26 weeks

2008-11-20T12:20:00.002-05:00

well..here it is... i feel like a bowling ball! LOL

just in case you thought you had time...

2008-11-18T11:00:00.001-05:00

Christmas Countdown TimerWidgetbox

The ultimate vacation...unless your pregnant!

2008-11-17T13:30:00.004-05:00

The world isn’t coming to an end. The election is done. My life isn't in shambles. And even the pregnancy, as much pain as I am in, is tolerable. I see an end in sight which is comforting. But what i am a little disappointed in is the fact that I am leaving for vacation this weekend. No, not about the vacation itself, but more of the fact that my activities are limited.

For one, I’m going to Florida, where there will be swimming and pool lounging throughout the week. (Ahhhh sunshine!!!)I'm hoping the bathing suit I bought earlier this summer (slightly bigger than necessary) will fit me. I only bought it earlier because i needed a new one desparately before i went to Tampa with my mom for a weekend. Certain areas on my body have "ballooned" into maddness...both upper and lower areas. I'll probably be busting out on top and hoping my lower half only FEELS bigger from the front (and not the back). But that aside, I wont be able to do one of my favorite all time things: hot-tubbing!! Apparently it's bad for the baby to wade in scolding hot water until you pass out. Go figure! :)

Second, Rob and I are heading to Disney for two days on our own (the rest of my family will be in Tampa) and there will be certain rides I will have to forego. Rides i love to go on... like Mission Space or the Rockin' Roller Coaster. Rides that i would love to share with my new husband since we haven’t been to Disney together yet. But I’ll probably end up waiting online with him and slipping through the “I’m too scared (or pregnant in my case)” door to meet him on the other side. He’s actually been supportive of this and has offered that we stick to MGM Studios and Animal Kingdom this year where there are more “pregnant speed” rides and shows that we can both enjoy. Of course the next time we head back, We'll have a 1 1/2 year old to contend with, but "doing disney" through the eyes of a child is SOOO much fun!

In addition to that, my ability to walk for more than an hour has deteriorated to just about NADA! My feet swell. My hands swell. And my back…oh my back…. Some nights I get out of bed to take one of my many trips to the bathroom and I can barely stand on one leg my back hurts so much. Not cool. Trust me. So, I’ll end up looking like some fat chick who has never done a day of exercise in her life who relies on a wheel chair to get her around because she’s too lazy to walk. LOVELY! I was thinking about making up some T-shirts that say “1.5 humans on board this motorized vehicle”. It’s all in fun and somewhat amusing .... but it's not, if you know what I mean.

Se La Vie!

Happy Turkey day to all incase I don’t talk to you!

To Whom it May Concern

2008-11-04T08:57:00.002-05:00

To Whom it May Concern at the New York State Democratic office,

Over the last 4-5 weeks I have had 5 different people visit my house offering information and soliciting my vote for Brian Foley (running for NYS Senate). My personal feelings regarding Mr. Foley and his inability to run Brookhaven town are completely irrelevant at this point. His continued visits to our home have been excessive and bothersome. One particular visit included a knock at our door at 8:30pm in the evening on a weekday. I told the young man to make sure we dont receive any more house calls. In addition, i sent an email to Mr. Foley telling him not to come to my house anymore. Apparently the voice of his local people doesn't matter as much as he claims because this evening we recieved yet ANOTHER house call.

I think this is completely unacceptable behavior and Mr. Foley has lost my vote.

I have been a devout democrat for many years, but consider this my official resignation to the party!

Signed,

You-know-who from you-know-where!

____________________________________________

After I sent this email to the NYS Democrats, i forwarded it to the local paper near me who asked if they could print it in this week's paper. I agreed. I also asked if he know where i could lodge a complaint. He gave me this information.

Suffolk County Democratic Chair Richard Schaffer at 439-0400

do not call.... PLEASE

2008-11-03T21:17:00.002-05:00

Rob and I recently changed over to cable phone and since then have been the butt of every single telemarketer call across the country. While we were away this weekend (friday evening to Sunday), we recieved telemarketing calls from 12 different phone numbers.

12 DIFFERENT NUMBERS!!!!

One in particular has been a bothersome and rather annoying experience. A company called General Warranty Services based out of Massachusetts and New Hampshire has been calling us continually every other day with an automated voice message.

In typical fashion, we hang up before even listening to the whole message, but lately it's gotten so bad that i waited on the line for a live representative to find out what the deal was. When a girl came on the phone I immediately began to request to be removed from the call list and that i was very agrevated about the number of calls we are receiving. She hung up on me mid-sentence. I was FURIOUS! Nevermind that i thought it was my husband and ran down the hall butt naked and searched frantically through a pile of stuff to find the phone!! (sorry for the visual! LOL)

So i vowed the next time they called that I would try and weasel my way in by playing along and giving them fake information.

My plan worked.

I now have the name of the company and the phone number. I looked them up on Better Business Bureau website and just as I suspected, they have had several complaints lodged against them. I am considering filing a formal complaint but when the guy on the other line was far more cooperative and polite and apologetic about our request, i decided against it an to wait and see if they actually call again.

Has anyone gotten any calls from a company called General Warranty Services (781)569-1000? Just curious. http://www.generalwarrantyservices.com/ is their website.

The other thing I looked up was the official DO NOT CALL list registration. Senator LaValle announced it a few years back and so I knew it was official. It's also regulated by the FTC (http://www.ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/alerts/alt107.shtm).

If anyone is interested in registering their phone number (INCLUDING CELL PHONE NUMBERS), visit www.donotcall.gov

there's a soccer game in my tummy

2008-10-30T10:34:00.007-05:00

I spent the first half of this pregnancy anticipating the day i would feel those precious little hands and feet wiggle and kick in side me. I was so miserable that it was all i could think of to get me through the nausea and fatigue and whatever else came my way in the early weeks.

Well, now it's here... now that i have finally discovered what its like to be kicked "from the inside". About 4 weeks ago I started feeling little "flutters" of movement in my stomach and like most people on their first child, it was hard to tell the difference between that and... you know... gas! lol.

Now four weeks later... and there nothing that stands in my way of knowing the difference between a kick and a bubble blub-blubbing through my intestines. He's quite strong, i promise you, and for some reason is up to par on his anatomy. I'm not sure who taught him but he seems to know exactly where my bladder is! Have you ever seen a cartoon - like Tom and Jerry - where Tom is blindly stomping down on a box or a rabbit hole trying to get into where ever Jerry is?? Stomp stomp stomp... Until he gets through. Well, I swear thats what this little kid is doing to me. He wants out and i keep telling him its a little early ..... which in turn ensues a tempertantrum... again.. on my bladder.

There have been several sleepless nights for me in the last week or so because this little boogerhead kicks me ALL NIGHT LONG! And I'm not embellishing the truth. I lay in bed with my hands on my belly feeling those little legs and arms flailing about. I've even started feeling when he turns inside me. So last night, when we got into bed, he was kicking me again like crazy so I grabbed Rob's hand and said...don't move. Sure enough, 1 - 2 - 3 kicks... all in a row. Rob grinned from ear to ear. It was the first time he felt the baby kick and in his next breath he said "no wonder your not sleeping". Well... i told ya! LOL. You think i complain for the sake of complaining?

He does let me sleep on occasion, though. Today, on my day off, I woke with Rob, made him breakfast (because i'm a good wife that way) and then back to bed i went after he left for work. Both baby and I slept for 2 1/2 hours this morning. Best sleep I've had in quite a few weeks actually (and baby is still sleeping).

Last week when I went in for my monthly check up, i mentioned to the doctor that the baby was kicking A LOT! I don't know what i expected him to say...."would you like me to give the baby a sedative?" would have made for an interesting conversation that's for sure and.... "can you do that?" would have been my rather odd reply. An awful thing to even suggest and I only make light of it because what he DID say gave me great perspective.

I remember several years ago - we're talking 12 plus years - I was doing observation time at Stonybrook Hospital for my EMT certification when a young lady came in for some sort of treatment. She must have been about my age at the time and at least 6-7 months pregnant. I watched the nurse put one of those doplar things around her belly to monitor the heartbeat and several seconds later we all heard the little thump thump on the speaker. The young girl began to cry.

"what's wrong?"

"it's just that the baby hasn't moved or anything in some time, I wondered if there was something wrong".

-----------

Flash forward to me laying on the examination table last week. The doctor turned to me and said "it must be reassuring to feel your baby kick all the time". Of course my mind drifted back instantly to that young girl in the ER and i began to tear up.

He's right. He's SO right. On so many levels. There are hundreds, maybe thousands of women who would trade places with me a heartbeat. I know this. And everyone once in a while, someone or something reminds me of that small, yet significant fact.

Sure... it's a hassle. Yup...this has been one of the strangest journeys ever in my life. But a wonderful one. A true blessing.... despite the numerous disguises. And although I have questioned whether or not i would do this again in the future, I will never ever regret each and every day this journey has given me. I love my baby. Always have (even before I was pregnant) and always will for the rest of my days!

oh...and by the way... he's awake and back to kicking again!

i HATE silly season

2008-10-27T10:41:00.005-05:00

I once heard Denise Civiletti refer to the "pre-election" period as "Silly Season". Right she is! They're all silly in my opinion and they all need to be evaluated for severe mental issues.

Since moving up the Island a bit, I started regretting declaring my status as a "Democrat". Living in an area where there is a slightly higher ratio of people living in close-knit neighborhoods, campaigning has become a door-to-door process. In the last several weeks I've had several "campaigners" knocking on my door - both young and old - in support of Brian Foley. For those of you who don't know him, he's the Supervisor of Crookhaven Town (no that's not a typo).

THREE people have come to my door in the last 2 weeks. The first guy was young... couldn't have been more than 18-19 years old in sweat shirt and jeans looking to just get the word out. He also had what looked like a petition of some sort (I can only assume in support of Foley) that he wanted me to sign. I didn't really show my support one way or another other than the fact that i knew he was running. I wasn't very pleased about the house call so as a little entertainment for myself, I allowed my dogs to continue to bark frantically at him through the glass storm door. They appear to be vicious monsters, but honestly....they just want to lick you to death!

The second visitor wanted me to put a sign on my front lawn. I was like "UH... NO! do you see an Obama sign? or Bishop sign on my front lawn?". Seriously people. This guy was very pushy and actually asked who i was going to vote for in the Senate AND the presidency elections. He caught me off guard and all i could say was "i just don't know and probably wont know until i hit the polls, buddy". But what i should have said, if I were quick on my feet, was that it was none of his damn business who i vote for and that it's my right as a citizen of the United States to keep it that way.

The third, and hopefully final, visitor came to my door last Thursday evening. Rob and I were both sitting on the couch and i was in my pajamas trying to rest my aching pregnancy back. The doorbell rang and my dogs began barking frantically. We both looked at each other (his parents were out of town and anyone else would have called first - even his parents would have called at that hour). Rob asked me to peek out the window to see who it was but my view was limited because it was so dark. Yes folks... it was 8PM at night. Brian Foley sent someone out on the streets to knock on doors at 8pm at night. I was FURIOUS. Rob opened the door and as soon as he said where he was from i said "buddy...it's 8PM...what are you thinking??? You guys have been to this house 3 times in the last 2 weeks. When will it stop?" Again, I allowed my dogs to bark frantically as I yelled at his sorry ass. My husband, at that point, took a back seat this pathetic scene. I didn't argue for long before i closed the door on his face and decided that someone would be receiving the wrath of me in the morning at Foley's campaign headquarters.

The next day i was still furious and not wanting to completely blow up on the phone, I wrote an email to his campaign. Basically..i told them not to come to my house any more otherwise I would consider it harassment and would call the police. I still haven't heard back from them... pathetic. You would think an apology would be in order but perhaps they wrote me off as a potential voter. SO SAD.

One more week of this and I have decided to forever move myself to the "Independent" line and then vote for whoever i want without being inundated with mailings and phone calls and house calls... especially those at 8pm in the evening.

I still say i should have moved to Europe 10 years ago when i was truly entertaining the idea. Sigh.

baby stuff up the wazzooo

2008-10-17T09:20:00.007-05:00

It's amazing what comes out of the woodwork when you tell someone you're having a baby, particularly when you know if its a boy or a girl. My neighbor is already off loading her boy clothes on me and just yesterday i paid a visit to an old high school friend who gave me a TON of stuff, including a couple of brand new packs of diapers. She warned me that she hasnt even gone into the attic to pull out the boxes of things (some with tags still on them). It's like christmas all over again! We have basically jam packed the changing table with clothing and other things (as you can see). Aren't those little rainboots so cute??

Among the many wonderful things she gave me was a side basket to hook onto the changing table to hold diapers and wipes etc. The contraption has a cool name: "The Munchkin", which is ironic because that's what i have been calling my little boy. Amusingly, I was more excited about the cool bumper sticker that says "I love my munchkin" included in the box than the actual item in the box itself (though im pretty sure i'll be thankful in a few months). LOL. Pathetic i know. Sometimes it doesnt take much to amuse me! And you try not to get caught up in all the "STUFF" but sometimes its just fun to sit and browse all the cute little stuff.

We're still working on the nursery. We found gorgeous pine floors under the dingy carpet we pulled up last weekend. Very excited about that. We decided to just find a big area rug instead of re-carpeting. It will definitely add character to the room. One of the things Rob and I talked about was the fact that we really wanted to make sure that we buy things that the kid can grow into...such as the rug on the floor or the dresser (one we already have). We didnt want to spend a couple hundred dollars on a froo froo rug with baby bonnets and sailboats only to toss it or sell it after a year or two. We wanted something that he can use when he's 10 and even 17. I explained that if we do it right, only a few things need to be "babyish" in the room...like the curtains, the crib set and the big block letters spelling out his name on the wall. These are replaceable, less expensive things that really dont matter much in the long run. I'm glad we're both in agreement on this philosophy.

This little monster inside me has been kicking me like crazy...and hard too. For some reason he likes to kick down onto my bladder, particularly when its full. He must think thats funny or something! I am not so amused. But other times it just feels like my insides are squirming around. Its an odd feeling. My belly is not getting big as much as it is defined. And i still havent gained any more weight. Im quite happy about that. I havent been restricting myself too much, but I do try to eat healthy and watch the sweets. I must admit though I am craving them. It's nice to have my appetite back but at the same time... its not! LOL.

Rob and i are heading to the hospital next week to take a tour of the maternity ward. Im delivering in Southampton which I hear is really nice. It's also quite a hike from our house up the Island. Luckily my parents live in Westhampton and if we feel the day is coming or things are not quite right we may stay there for a few days. We're trying not to plan too much because we know things can change at any moment and last minute decisions will need to be made anyway. But we are prepared to make the important decisions should they arise.

Overall im feeling so much better these days. A little sore from my stomach stretching and tired from not sleeping well, but im getting used to that! lol. We're so excited, even more so since finding out we're having a little boy. I think it it makes it that much more real.

baby chronicles...continued

2008-10-14T18:22:00.001-05:00

Well... there's not much else to say except...

IT'S A BOY!!

Life Lesson #239

2008-10-10T06:21:00.002-05:00

Never put your $300 Blackberry in the washing machine. There's no exception to this rule, not even pregnancy (although there should be).

General Baby Chat

2008-09-28T19:38:00.005-05:00

Someone asked for a belly shot in email the other day.....And while i can appreciate people wanting to see our little squirt growing... you're gonna have to wait a little longer until i am actually showing something other than pre-baby belly fat!

We head back to the doctor for the anatomy ultrasound in two weeks. We'll hopefully know if its a boy or a girl. At that point we'll send out another email with pictures and of course I'll be posting on my blog.

I've been researching daycare and I think we found one that will be just right (the right people, the right price, the right distance).

We started working on the nursery this weekend. Rob added some new lighting and also did some spackling. We're waiting to find out what the baby is before we do any painting etc. But it looks like we're pretty much set with furniture. My friend Christy had an extra crib in her basement which belonged to her brother as well as a changing table and they both closely match the dresser we already have in there.

We've already received little things here and there from family and friends (some new some hand-me-downs)...clothing and diapers and toys etc, but the whole thing didn't sink in until we set up the changing table today. I sat on the bed and went through everything we already had...folded the few pieces of clothes... smelled them (cause they smell like baby powder)... and realized....

HOLY CRAP i'm having a baby!!

Of course the symptoms are still very much around but the nausea is slowly disappearing. My appetite is back and I've gained a few pounds. I really don't want to gain too much weight because I'm already heavy as it is, so i'm starting to walk and trying to eat a little better (trying is the key word here).

These days i'm mostly dealing with headaches and backaches. And the pressure on my bladder is quite uncomfortable. I don't know how people actually choose to do this twice. Seriously! It's not been a positive experience for me.... yet.. i'm thrilled to death ... as is Rob. It's just quite a bit of work (more than i anticipated in the pre-baby experience) just getting through day to day.

We've been getting practice holding and feeding a newborn since my friend Christy had her little one almost 9 weeks ago. Rob is so into it! He always goes to watch when the baby is being changed and doesn't even blink when asked to hold her. In fact he held her through most of our card game last night. He's definitely not going to be one of those days who is afraid to hold their own child. I'm so thrilled for him. He's going to be a great daddy.

It's hard to believe I'm just about half way through this journey.

We cant wait to find out if its a boy or a girl.

Family Reunion

2008-09-22T18:40:00.002-05:00

How often do you get more than 60 people in one place at one time who are all related to each other? Not very often! Our family tries to get together at least once a year but not everyone can make it every year. This year we were missing 3 people - all very legitimate reasons. We had visitors from as far away as Nebraska and Ohio and North Carolina. Its nutty to try and plan the whole thing but so worth it in the end.

firsts....

2008-09-22T09:35:00.003-05:00

I've been thinking about the many "firsts" in my life. There are so many and some are hard to remember but the ones you do remember stick out like a sore thumb in your mind. Not to say they are all bad experiences. Perhaps I should have used a different analogy.

First Bike Ride
I remember the first time I road my shiny two-wheel red bike for the first time without training wheels. There was a little handle on the back of my seat that my dad would hold onto and run down the driveway with me until i had a good speed going. The drive ways not paved and not really that flat either, but i managed to stay in a straight line down one tire trail. One day my dad was pushing me on my bike and he just let go... and i road like the wind. I was so proud and I remember my dad calling out to me from behind. I dont remember what he said but I'm pretty sure they were words of encouragement. Eventually, many years later, I would graduate to a 10 speed (still red).

First School Bus Ride
I remember the first time I walked across Main Street in East Moriches to get in the school bus for the first time. I was 5 years old. Most of my memory comes from my mom's recollection of the moment. She remembers my lunch box bursting open all over the street and feeling so bad for me. I've always had a lot of anxiety issues about "starting school" in the fall - whether it was 1st grade or 12th grade - and perhaps the lunch box issue was the cause? I’m not really here to analyze every moment of my life but more so to recollect a series of events leading up until today.

First Teacher
My kindergarten teacher was such a wonderful woman. Mrs. Dickson. Loved her. She was so gentle and loving and lots of fun. It helped that I knew her and her family outside of school which made my transition into the education system even more pleasant than anticipated. My mom talked-it-up so to speak… “you’re going to be in Mrs. Dickson’s class”. I was excited but I’m pretty sure I was nervous too. Probably goes back to the whole lunch box thing. One of the things I remember in Kindergarten is the Easter play we did: Peter Cotton Tail. I cant tell you what I played in the play but I do remember this kid Josh got to play Peter Cottontail and he did a great job. All the parents came into watch the play. It was a highlight and quite memorable because I don’t remember much else about that whole experience.

First Kiss
Ok. So I was pretty young. And so was he. But it was memorable and sweet. He was a neighborhood friend. We hung out together ALL the time: swimming, biking, baseball (I was quite a tom-boy). Then one day… hormones kicked in. It was all quite innocent I assure you but I always wonder where he is in life and if he remembers his neighborhood friends.

First Car
I remember my dad being so excited about my first car. I was getting my license and he wanted this to be a momentus occasion for me, so he had a new radio put into one of his little GMC pick-ups and had my name painted on the outside of the driver side door. It was so cool! I went everywhere in that thing. Loved that car! It was a tight fit with a couple of girlfriends going out for lunch but when you’re the only one with a car, everyone just kinda puts up with it!

First husband
Not too many can claim this... and quite simply - he was a good man - but not for me. I'll always care about him no matter how much of an ass he can be at times.

First House
This is still quite fresh in my mind and in my heart. I was so elated the day my ex and I signed papers to buy our first home. It signified “growing up” and being part of society with responsibilities. I loved my house. It left a lasting impression on me and when my ex and I split up I honestly tried to work out a way to keep it. In the end, selling was the only option and left me quite heart broken to say the least. Every once in a while I drive by that place and sometimes even wished I still lived there. The only saving grace was that a sweet young couple purchased the house and were about to have the baby. I was glad it went to a young family starting out.

And then it comes to this… my first child….

I’m still in shock – 4 months later – and yet it’s as if it was always meant to be. Does that make any sense? It’s been a long road to get to this point.

I cried during the first 2 sonograms and now I am only 3 weeks away from the 3rd where they will tell us if it’s a boy or a girl. The first 2 sonograms were interesting. He/She wouldn’t stop moving around so it was really hard to get a good look. And even during my last visit 2 weeks ago the doctor couldn’t find the heartbeat because the baby was moving around so much, so I got a quick glimpse on the sono machine again (just to make sure everything was ok). “You’re baby is moving around so much,” the doctor would say EVERY TIME I went in for a visit.

It’s also close to that time when I will start to feel my little squirt wiggling inside me. I have to say I have been feeling some weird stuff going on and I really do think it’s the baby moving around. I’ll be sitting on the couch or lying in bed and I’ll get a little blip of a bubbly feeling in my belly. I questioned it at first – thinking it was all in my head – but the last few days I really get the feeling it’s something more. And in the last day or so I can really feel the difference between the baby moving and bubbly gas in my tummy. I had always wondered what it would feel like to have a child inside me and now here I am experiencing it first hand.

I’m quite amazed – despite all the horrible side effects I’m going through – with the whole process, the growth, the emotional journey, the preparation and most of all the fact that Rob and I will be parents in just 5 short months. Parents. We’ll be parents. Wow. If I really stopped to think about too much it’s overwhelming…. But in a good way.

Desperately seeking ... ME!

2008-09-09T13:29:00.004-05:00

HELP!

Im in search of …. ME!

Somewhere out there is the woman I have grown to love in the last few years. She’s been taken hostage by an alien life form inside her. This life form that has basically taken control of every aspect of her life... Eating, sleeping, and even peeing! She’s also taken the liberty of being overly critical, nit picky, a constant backseat driver, and just a plain ole’ bitch ALL the time (mostly about the peeing ALL NIGHT LONG thing).

Her husband is desperately seeking solitude from the nagging...

...the constant nagging...

...the never ending nagging...

....you can see it in his eyes.

The "MY GOD WHAT THE HECK HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU WOMAN" look.

But alas, he holds his tongue, smiles and mumbles "how much longer do we have of this?".

But she cant help it... the alien life form inside her has control over her every thought and action...She can't even drive without getting angry at the slow driver in the left lane or the van three cars ahead changing lanes without even signaling... She hates them ALL I tell ya! Every single darn one of them... And she’s out with a vengeance to tell it like it is!!

So beware... somewhere out there is the REAL me and she WILL return! Someday! Somehow!

Hopefully!

hi, out there!

2008-08-27T10:24:00.004-05:00

We paid another visit to the doctor last night. I have a sonogram printout but it came out really crappy. I'll try to scan it tonight and see what happens.

Anyway, we went in for the results of all my blood work. Everything looks awesome. No signs of infection, my sugar was great, and the genetic tests they did claimed i was low risk. Outstanding news all around.

The doctor pulled out one of his little gadgets and promptly stuck it on my belly.

and suddenly.....a heartbeat... pounding loud and clear... bahdum bahdum bahdum bahdum... like a horse galloping across the field...very very very cool!

The sonograms never cease to amaze me. Each time the baby more than doubles in size (now 3 inches long) and i always seem to shed a tear or two when i see my little one wiggling around inside me, especially since i cant quite feel anything yet. It's the most awesome emotional feeling in the world. The coolest part was watching my baby wiggle his/her little fingers... like he/she was waving to us from inside!

"Hi mom and dad! I cant wait to meet you! but dont get to comfortable...im coming out with an agenda to keep you up all night and cry at every opportune moment and basically torture you for the rest of your life".

My response?

"That's ok little one. We'll love you every day, for the rest of our lives, no matter what!"

St James General Store

2008-08-19T06:35:00.004-05:00

I recently had a photo shoot at the St James General Store. Have you ever been there? It's a pretty cool place. Here are a couple of shots from the shoot.

sigh

2008-08-12T09:49:00.005-05:00

The last week or so has been a whirlwind around here.

A few months ago I volunteered to organize our 60 person family reunion. Not much to it really... I just needed to maintain communications with my family and deligate food items etc to each of them. It was relatively easy on my end, at least up until the week before, but stress free for the most part.

We had 8 family member staying at our house from Thursday through Monday morning. The count included 4 teenage boys, a 6 year old girl and 3 adults. It was quite a houseload but again, relatively stress free. They were self-sufficient and very helpful around the house. The boys were quiet and the 6 year old was well behaved.

I also spent several hours in the kitchen on Friday afternoon making a wonderful Argentinian treat called empanadas. My dad used to make them with my great grandmother and a few years ago he taught me how to make them so i can pass it down to my kids (something i definitely plan on doing). So now I drag my dad out on Christmas Eve or the day before Christmas Eve to spend the day cooking. It's great bonding time with him...and I treasure every moment. Its so awesome to see the joy on his face and hear all the stories about my Great Grandma.

In case you're wondering....empanadas are like a meat pie filled with chopped meat, onions, boiled egg, cayan pepper, garlic and other spices. Rob and I have been adjusting the recipe and experimenting the last few times we made them...so the new secret ingredient is pimentos.

SEVERAL hours... i slaved in the heat of the kitchen on Friday. When Rob got home from work he took over so i could lay down for a bit. In the end... we made about 70-80 empanadas (including 20 turkey empanadas for my sister in-law who doesnt eat red meat). Wouldn't you know... EVERY SINGLE one of them was eaten at the reunion!!!

I love making them but I only really do it twice a year extensively. Once at our annual family reunion and the other during Christmas. They remind me of my Great Grandmother who died when i was about 10-11 years old. I didnt get a chance to know her too well (mostly because she only spoke Spanish - and i didnt!), but she was a fabulous cook and she was always giving her great grandchildren gifts "to remember her by".

The reunion went really well. Even Grandma, in her constant state of confusion, did really well. We stuck her a quiet part of the yard with some of the older folks and most people know she requires a peaceful environment to maintain a happy disposition. And considering the fact that this will probably be my Grandfather's last reunion (he has cancer), spirits were relatively high and jovial.

And as most fun parties go...we had way too much food and way too little time.

Our house is quiet again.... and although it was a great weekend spending time with family, we're glad to have our home back...

Foreign invasion

2008-08-07T11:29:00.005-05:00

Im quickly approaching 11 weeks. Still somewhat sick. Had a crazy episode with my toothbrush this week. I'll spare you the details...really!

My belly is getting big. YOU may not be able to really see it but dammit i feel it. Its like a cantalope inside my stomach. It's getting hard for me to sit at my desk....my back is starting to hurt... and bend over to pick something up? Forget it. It's a strange feeling though. It's like nothing i ever experienced before.

Ive always been on the heavy side (except right before puberty which was ages and ages ago... :::sigh:::) and so i've always had a heavy midsection... It's come and gone over the years, but we are definitely on an upswing here folks. My body is not my own anymore. It's wonderfully terrifying.

And just as I begin to physically feel the effects of our "honeymoon love", panic has set in.

Im having a baby.

What the hell am i doing?

Am i nuts?

When exactly did i convince myself that this is what i wanted and have always wanted my whole life? Ive been feeling so miserable the first few weeks that I just want all this to be over.

BUT...

Then i remember... for this to be over requires the birth of a small child promptly placed in my care... forever. FOREVER!!! Thats the way these things work apparently. You cant just be pregnant and then move on with your life after 9 months. Silly me! Where do i get these ideas from?

Thank God i have my panic button to keep me company...

Our little munchkin!

2008-08-05T18:49:00.000-05:00

10 weeks and 2 days old.... still going... still growing... In fact, "she" wouldn't sit still for her portrait! She was wiggling all over the place! She was a welcome site after a tiff between mommy and daddy in the Tanger parking lot! Hey... @#$* happens. I still love him and he still adores me and what's most important, we love our little munchkin!

4am wake up call

2008-08-02T03:00:00.004-05:00

Not sure what this is about, but the last few weeks I have been waking up between 3am and 4am. There's no rhyme or reason to it really and its starting to get old. I never sleep through night anymore as it is because of my frequent trips to the bathroom (which by the way, im actually getting used to as strange as that sounds).

I only remember two other times in my life when i had this "wake up" problem in the middle of the night.

1. when i was going through my divorce. I wasn't sleeping very well back then. I was living with my parents and it was just a heightened emotional time in my life.

2. when i came back from Europe. It took me like 3 weeks to adjust back to our time zone. I would pass out every night at 6pm and wake up 8 or so hours later fully rested and ready to take on the world. I know I shouldn't have fallen asleep so early but it was really hard not to.

So i suppose this middle of the night fiasco is somewhat related to a heightened emotional experience lately. Im having a baby. Things have been stressful at work. And the whole thing with my grandparents has beencrazy. Its complicated.

_____

Im starting to feel my stomach grow. Well its not that i feel it grow, its that i can't really lean forward without putting added pressure on my stomach or bladder. Quite frequently I end up with heartburn because of it or i just have this uncomfortable pressure (like i ate too much kinda thing).

Speaking of eating... I have had the priveledge of being mostly nausea free the last 2 days. A big deal for me. I even ate a cheeseburger and tomorrow im going to have baked clams at the Yacht Club clam bake. Now is the time when i need to be more mindful of what i eat, I know it! This is when it could get out of hand. I'll probably start slowly cutting back on the all the carbs soon, though Im not quite comfortable with it just yet. Its only been two days but i guess im just excited because i see the end in sight!

Rob is so into this baby thing. And im so grateful. He's been so patient with me its not even funny. Ive been in a raunchy mood lately and he just takes it with a grain of salt (unlike other people we wont discuss). And every night when we get into bed ... we talk...watch TV...snuggle a little... and when he kisses me goodnight he reaches over with his hand and pats a kiss on my belly.

"say good night to your daughter"....i would say to him. (yes, i said daughter and no i dont know what it is for sure!)

He would smile, kiss his fingers and gently place them on my stomach.

Tonight i actually let him feel how my stomach is getting a little harder. You can kind of feel it under all the belly fat! LOL. He even commented on it the other night when he was kissing "her" good night with his normal finger kiss.

Life will never be the same once our little pumpkin comes along. Sleep will never be the same. Our days will not be our own anymore. And we welcome this challenge with open arms. We look forward to the ups and downs of parenting knowing it will be one of the most important things we do as human beings.

:::burp:::: here comes the heartburn. I need to figure out the right way to sit in my chair from now on.

Today.....is a good day

2008-07-31T08:37:00.008-05:00

I woke this morning feeling wonderful. It's my day off and so far I am nausea free - a big deal for me! I had a huge bowl of corn flakes. I don't think they ever tasted that good before! YUM!

The other good news is I can now make it through a full 8 hour work day and not feel like someone beat the crap out of me or I had been up all night running a marathon. Even when i got home yesterday I didn't crash on the couch and sleep for an hour.

Both of these things are huge improvements from last week and the week before. I'm grateful for at least a little relief, thats for sure. I'm hoping this is the beginning of the end. My first trimester will be over in 2-3 weeks and they say all this miserable stuff goes with it! I might actually have that pregnancy "glow" by then, because goodness knows it hasn't been there yet!

Christy and baby are home as of yesterday mid-day. I offered my services as a photographer to do baby's first portrait. I've learned a lot by watching my cousin and how she poses the newborns and such. I cant wait to try some out myself. Big brother Luke is doing well. Mom says he's quite content with his new train toy he got when baby came home yesterday. Everyone has to feel loved and special and we're all making an extra effort to give him that!

House cleaning must occur in the next week at my house. We have guests coming to stay with us for our annual family reunion. There will be about 60 people in attendance and 8 1/2 of them are staying with Rob and me! It's going to be crazy! I cant wait to see everyone and it's so awesome that we all make this effort once a year to get together and pay hommage to our family! It's so important to spend time with the ones we love and the ones who love us. Time is the most precious gift we can give and receive. Dont you think?

more pictures

2008-07-30T07:53:00.005-05:00

someone new in my life

2008-07-29T09:20:00.005-05:00

Last night, my best friend gave birth to her second child.... a girl.. a beautiful little girl. It was a long labor but Christy is tough in spirit and mind! She's had a rough 9 months but persevered for her daughter's sake.

This morning, on my way to work, i recieved a text message from Christy.

"I am so in love with my little girl"

I began to cry, being the hormonal crazed pregnant woman that I am these days. I put myself in her place... with Rob at my side and both of us crying tears of joy at our new arrival several months down the road.

I have been struggling quite a bit with morning sickness lately and Im just so damn tired all the time. And so I was avoiding my blog like the plague. No one wants to hear a pregnant lady bitch and moan over and over again about how bad she feels, when in fact she should just shut up and be happy that she's having a baby at all.

But this news of little Mikaela's arrival has given me a new surge of hope and energy and a not so distant end to all this horrible icky "hang over" type feeling I have ALL the time.

perfect and healthy

2008-07-16T06:40:00.004-05:00

Yesterday Rob and I headed off for our first glimpse of our little baby. What a wonderfully emotional experience. After hearing about two of my friends who had complications from their pregnancies resulting in a miscarriage, my concerns grew exponentially as yesterday approached. But once I saw that perfectly round sac and my little baby's heartbeat, I knew everything was going to be ok. I pretty much cried through the whole thing. It was so amazing.

2008-07-10T09:45:00.004-05:00

Mom and I had super time in Tampa last weekend. She asked me to go with her back in February. "I'm going with or without you," she said.

What's a girl to do with an offer like that?

The last time I went with mom to Tampa was about 3-4 years ago, when my life was completely different. Back then i cried the whole weekend. And this time... I celebrated two major happenings in my life: marriage to an awesome guy and our first child on the way. Overall we had a great time. Its quite hot in Florida in July. We knew that already, but who cares. We weren't planning on tennis or golf or anything at all that required physical activity except the 1/3 mile walk to the pool and back. We figured the walk was good enough exercise anyway! It rained nearly every evening and we even had some big booming thunderstorms too. I couldn't believe how it poured some nights.

By the end of the weekend, we were both burnt to a crisp and completely sunned out. We were so careful about getting burnt we spent the whole weekend under the umbrellas in the shade, but none of that mattered much for some reason. Im now pealing all over my shoulder and chest. Im not a big fan of sunburn.

My biggest disappointment was the Spa. I LOVE going to the Spa down there. But when I mentioned I was 6 weeks pregnant, they immediately turned me down for any type of massage. They said it had something to do with the distribution of blood and how it could harm the baby. Despite my moans and groans, I knew it was best to avoid anything like that, so i went with a facial and a pedicure! Both were wonderful!

Other than that, my baby gave me a week off from morning sickness. Hallalujiah! I was able to enjoy the various menu items at the restaurants we visited down there. I could even get toast down in the morning with apple juice, something I could not do the previous couple of weeks.

By the time Monday rolled around, I was back to my sick self again, barely making it home on a somewhat bumpy flight. The last few mornings have been progressively worse and yesterday the sickness lasted almost the whole day. I spent most of it nibbling on crackers and sipping cold apple juice. Carbs seem to work well for me; pasta, rice, potatoes, crackers. They settle my stomach well. Unfortunately, these are exactly the kinds of things I have been trying to eliminate from my diet to shed some pounds.

At this point, I am figuring my low carb diet is off limits until about next February. I am trying to make an effort to eat more veggies, like carrots, squash, green beans etc. Thank God for corn season! I put a list on the fridge of all good foods for pregnant women to eat and on my good days I try to eat as much of them as possible. We have several different kinds of juices in the fridge now and I bought these little snack apple sauces with no sugar added and extra calcium. I'm still trying to eat a few oranges a week. Milk has been difficult to get down, but my alternatives are yogurt and cheeses. And when i do have carbs in my diet, i try to make sure they are whole grain or whole wheat. I always bring a baggy of whole grain cheerios to work with me so i have something to munch on. I heard sweet potatoes are really good for me at this point so I have those instead of a regular potato (with skins intact).

Of all the symptoms of pregnancy, morning sickness has been the most prominent, other than these two MELONS on my chest that ACHE all the time. OY! But someone gave me some good advice the other day...

"Keep smiling! You're a MOMMY!"

Words to live by...

daddy

2008-07-01T13:21:00.006-05:00

Despite the sickness
Despite the mood swings
Beyond irrationality
And whatever may happen in the next 8 months
Between us a special bond holds strong
a love I have never experienced before
And with the ultimate meshing of our two lives
brings more...
more for you...
more for me..
more for us..
more for our little one...

It's like PMS on steroids...i swear! And i'm sure no matter what sex you are, you have some clue as to what I mean. But despite that, my husband, my friend, my lover is an exceptional man and i have no doubts as to his ability to be a wonderful father. He, in no way, fits the cliche and often negative label "my baby's daddy" (thank god). The affection between us is different...changed somehow... but for the better. He looks at me differently. It's hard to explain but it makes me love him more.

He's so excited about this baby. I came home from my weekend with Polly two weeks ago and he started spewing all these wonderful ideas about the nursery... painting.... lighting... etc. He's been reading this book that my friend gave him about "the expecting father" or something like that.

He does EVERYTHING that requires lifting without a second thought. "You will endure many things that I cannot endure with you," is his response when i tell him he's quite the workhorse! And he's constantly helping me make healthy food choices and encouraging me to rest at any given opportunity. He understands the sensitivity of the situation at hand.

Fair (not necessarily equal) partnership is clearly visible in this relationship. There is give and take... 60/40....40/60. But we are both aware of what each of us brings to this relationship and we both appreciate each other immensely. Something I had not felt in the past. This whole experience has strengthened our already strong love, respect, and our affection for one another. And I'm sure we're going to need it in the coming years with the challenges of raising a child together.

Her (or Him if you really want to be fair)

2008-06-30T14:45:00.005-05:00

As i began to write my a new blog post, i realized all i was doing was bitching and moaning about all the symptoms I have been having over the last week or so and how they are gradually getting worse.

UGH...

After considering this for a while, I realized there was something much more interesting to talk about.

My baby and the miracle of life.

I have been following the overall development of my child and it is just so amazing.

How does a bunch of cells know to develop into a complex human being....

How does it know to form a heart or eyes or ears...or fingernails...

Here I am at my 5th week and my baby is merely the size of a seasame seed and already she (cause yes - its a girl!! I swear it!) has a two chamber heart and a tube that will later form the spinal cord. By the time I go for my ultrasound in two weeks, Little Baby will have a heart beat.

If I am really blessed there will be more than one heart beat (and I mean that half sarcastically). Though, even with the medication i was taking, it is somewhat rare for twins.

I am so thankful for this blessing we have been given.

thank heaven for little girls

2008-06-25T20:14:00.005-05:00

I had some very special visitors this week. My cousin Melissa with her two little girls stopped by my house for some beach time and yummy brownies. Of course Sophia (the older of the two) made it perfect clear that the brownie was temporary...until the ice cream truck comes by. I was in my element with those two... i am SO ready for this!

to be or not to be

2008-06-23T08:14:00.004-05:00

I was so busy last week, I had no time to sit and write, although my heart desired it so. I'm still taking Grandma for 1 afternoon a week and last week was particularly difficult. She was in rare form, asking the same question over and over again.

How did i get here? (my house)

I brought you grandma.

Oh ok. Grandpa knows im here?

Yes. I spoke with him.

Well, what is he doing?

He's taking a nap. He doesnt feel well. (Grandpa has cancer).

Oh ok. And how am i getting home?

I'm going to take you to Lilly's (my aunt) for dinner and Grandpa will be there waiting for you.

Oh ok... what time?

...........

This was an on-going cycle we took every 5 minutes for about 5 hours. I couldn't get her to sit still for anything so after making cupcakes, bread, sweeping the whole downstairs (including the porch), folding 3 loads of laundry, and making a marinade for the chicken i was cooking later..... I finally gave up and let her putz around the house while I sat for a few minutes. I couldn't keep up with her.

My dad came to my rescue. He showed up just as she was settling on the couch watching "A Baby Story" on TV with me. We were enjoying the videos of small babies popping up on the screen.

Rob and I have been trying for about 3 months now with the help of some really awesome medications from the doctor. We've been patient and we know this sort of thing takes time. And despite her her ability to retain anything anyone says these days, I still enjoy engaging her in my hopes and dreams; one of them being my desire to have a child.

Grandma, Im trying to ger pregnant.

Really? How old are you?

Im 32.

Oh you're too old to have babies now.
(coming from a woman who had 4 kids before she was 30).

I knew that was coming actually, but it's always funny to hear her say it and see the expressions on her face.

That was Thursday at around 4:30pm.

.................

What i didnt know was that 10 hours later my life would change forever. I woke around 2:30am, as I do most nights, to go to the bathroom. It's pretty par for me. I decided to take a pregnancy test. I was due on Monday and I told myself I would wait til Friday morning to test. I thought this day would never arrive. I had waves nausea all week. And the heartburn...omg. But I convinced myself it was all in my head and I knew that the medication made my PMS worse than had been in the past, including feeling sick to my stomach.

I wasn't pregnant... i couldnt be....

or so I thought.

I sat there (on the toilet) staring at the little white stick in my hand, when all of a sudden two lines began to show. I blinked.

Was I dreaming? Was I seeing things?

UM HOLY @#$%#@$!!!

GUESS WHAT??????????????

Happy Birthday Polly!

2008-06-19T16:23:00.002-05:00

My dear friend Polly. Thank God for you! You appeared in my life out of nowhere....just when i needed you most. THANKS for showing me the light.

BEWARE: MOOSE CROSSING NEXT 10 MILES

2008-06-11T09:57:00.013-05:00

Beware: MOOSE CROSSING next 10 miles.

This was pretty much on every major highway north of Massachusetts and had us giggling the whole time. One sign we saw (which i didnt get a picture of) said: BRAKE FOR MOOSE: It could save your life.

We did in fact see a moose and a bear during our weekend in Vermont, which was pretty cool. Though, they were both WAY at the top of a ski slope at Cannon Mountain Ski Resort.

Below are a series of pictures from our weekend. Overall we had a WONDERFUL time.

Local is a major theme in Vermont - which THRILLED ME to pieces. They have so much to be proud of: dairy, maple, and unusual artisans spanning across the countryside. One of the things that really amazed me was their sense of humor. Advertisements are witty and eye catching - almost cheezy but tactful. You'll find restaurants serving local meats, cheeses, wines, beers and so much more. You'll also find maple farms selling other local farm products and vice versa. It was a true cooperative.

Speaking of cooperatives, did you know that the Cabot Cheese Factory is actually a cooperative of more than a 1000 dairy farms. The factory itself is, in fact, in Cabot, Vermont, but the farmers who belong are from all over. Facinating. The $3.00 tour of the Cabot Cheese Factory was pretty cool. They make this butter that is out of this world. We bought a few blocks of cheese - mostly the private collection stuff that can only be bought in their retail stores in Vermont. On the way out of the town we stopped to pay tribute to the most important contributors in the Cabot Cooperative.

And What's a vacation in Vermont without a stop to Ben & Jerry's. Sorry to say though, we missed the "FREE" scoop day by a few weeks. But out of all the tours we took in Vermont, this was by far the most entertaining and witty. The story of Ben & Jerry is quite amazing. After the tour we spent time in the gift shop and purchased a much needed cold, refreshing ice cream.

One of my other favorite things we did was Franconia Gorge State Park in New Hampshire. Our Inn (which I'll talk about next) was not far from the New Hampshire border - near Littleton. Franconia had quite a few things to do, one being the Flume Gorge hike. We hiked uphill to the gorge from the visitors center (I complained the whole way cause i hate the heat) which was about a 1/2 mile. Then we hiked through the Gorge (as seen in the picture) up the stairs to the top. Once inside the gorge the temperature dropped DRASTICALLY. We took our time through this area - or at least I did. Here's a couple more pictures I snapped.

More to come.....

more pictures

2008-06-05T07:28:00.003-05:00

We leave for our honeymoon tomorrow morning. I'll tell you all about it when we get home. Here are some more pictures for you.

back to our regularly scheduled program

2008-05-27T11:22:00.004-05:00

Sigh.

Life is simmering down back to normal; back to what i remember before planning this big hoo-ha! And to be perfectly honest, I'm thrilled. Life without worrying about sick ministers or dress fittings or DJs is so much more my style.

Sure, I like the planning and the excitment of it all. I won't lie about that. But i get plenty of that at work. And so to escape the maddness that sometimes ensues at my desk and in my office, I go straight home to hang out with my honey, work in the yard and putz around the house.

That's pretty much been the plan the last week or so. We've been dog sitting Lex, my girlfriend's golden retriever. He's pretty cool but a little weird. He's definitely good entertainment thats for sure and he LOVES rob. We also got a delivery of mulch on Saturday morning and man does that stuff make a difference! Our front yard looks awesome.

Besides that, I had an itch to bake. My neighbor bought us some new baking pans and such as a wedding gift and i really wanted to try them out. So i made a pathetic looking cake that tasted really good. That's all that really matters anyway right? We served it up for dessert last night to our dinner guests (my parents and my aunt/uncle from Australia). They laughed at my design, but in the end they were scraping the last little bit of icing off the plate. Mission accomplished....sorta.

Other news includes the babymaking progress. Let's just say, we'll try again next month. I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow for a Clomid check and lucky us, we'll be ready to "rock and roll" during our honeymoon. I'm trying to stay positive. After all it is only the second month with Clomid.

We leave for our honeymoon a week from Friday and we CAN'T WAIT!

brought to you by Match.com

2008-05-19T20:52:00.006-05:00

is it really that big?

2008-05-13T14:00:00.004-05:00

If you saw the movie Boogie Nights, you'll understand why I laid in bed last night googling Mark Walberg's name on my blackberry. I just had to share and see if anyone else's jaw dropped at the end?

Quote of the week: A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp. - Joan Rivers

butterflies in my stomach

2008-05-12T07:57:00.002-05:00

Ive got massive butterflies in my stomach. I guess it's from a combination of things... the wedding... the baby making. OMG Speaking of babymaking. I was so excited this past weekend. Last month, not one ovulation test came up positive and i was testing every day, sometimes twice a day. WELL this weekend I got a faint second line. It's not a positive test for ovulation, but it's definitely coming this week. I was so excited I grabbed the test and ran back to the bedroom to show Rob. Actually, i really just wanted to make sure i wasnt hallucinating. This morning's test was a little darker than yesterday, so we are closely monitoring the situation.

Wedding talk..... Pushing through all the family bullshit, dealing with the caterer, the photographer, the cake lady, the florist.... ahhhh so close and yet so far away. I think though, today will be the last day i have to deal with anything to do with the wedding other than a scheduled manicure. I'm considering a massage as well. I might just make that appointment today.

Can you believe it's finally here? The closer I get, the more I am in shock. I'm getting married again. And trust me, had it not been for this man stealing my heart away, I would not even be considering it.

I'm hoping to get all my shit done at work on Monday so i can take Tuesday off. We'll see.

Can you believe i said shit so many times? I think I'm spending too much time on Six's blog. HAHAHA!

the prophesy

2008-05-07T14:11:00.003-05:00

Time seems to be slipping by these days, yet the wedding seems like ages away. Its hard to explain.

One of the biggest challenges is the baggage i brought with me into this relationship. Its so hard not to compare my past with today, even though the two eras in my life are miles from being the same. Its especially hard when planning a wedding. Christy made me laugh one day when she said "you have to do it. It's a once in a life time thing". I just looked at her and said "you mean twice". We both had a good laugh over that one, after all if you dont have a sense of humor about things you did in your past, how can you expect to make anything of yourself in this world. When someone makes a bad decision about something, don't we all say "we're all human"?

Well, I don't really look at my past as a mistake. How can I? My ex is a good guy. We just weren't right for each other. I don't fault him for that and I hope the feeling is mutual. I look at the whole experience as a journey to the life I was meant to have... the one i have today.

I think the hardest part of the whole journey was "life after divorce". I felt as if i was floating above myself.... looking down on this poor pathetic soul trying to find herself once again. Its a tough journey, let me tell you. I've seen friends go through it and never make it out the other side alive; still stuck in their own little bitter world. Its hard to watch them.

Luckily I found the light on the other side.

I remember, some time during my "self-discovery" journey through Europe, I met a man, an artist, in Florence. We shared our life stories as he painted in front of the Academia (where they hold "The David" statue).

"Don't worry sweetheart. You'll make it through this hard time in your life. Just keep pushing forward. You mark my words, You'll be back here next year on your honeymoon".

I laughed at him as he told me a story about a young girl like me who was taking the same journey as me - trying to find herself in Europe. She, just like me, befriended this man, and a year later she returned with her newlywed husband.

I cant deny, my mind drifted off to that dream of finding someone and walking down the cobble stone roads of Florence with him, but I knew my journey was more than just about finding a man. I needed to find my life without a man. I needed to find out who this new person was going to be before i shared it with anyone else. So i put those thoughts out of my mind, picked up my camera, and moved on to the next city with my group.

What i didn't know was that meeting this man and hearing his words were like a prophesy. And just 6 weeks after I returned from Europe feeling refreshed, alive and more like myself than ever, that man walked into my life. He became my best friend. My lover. My companion. And now, almost a year and a half later, I'm marrying him.

I hate to say it, but that sweet man in Florence was right.

the bachlorette party

2008-05-05T07:18:00.004-05:00

What happens when you put all my girlfriends, my cousin, my mother and a few people who don't really know me that well in the same house to celebrate my bachlorette party?

Well, I probably can't tell you EVERYTHING that happens, but in a nutshell, my bachlorette party has now been officially labeled.... "The Penis Party". We're talking crazy shit people... I'm not kidding. There were things at this party that i have never seen before. Penis gummies (like gummy bears but in the shape of penises), one rather large penis cake with hairy balls (LOL), and a fun game of pin-the-penis-on-the-cowboy (which coincidentally had a picture of Rob's face on it). My friend polly even went as far as carving carrots into penises for the veggie platter.

OY!

And because it is rather common knowledge that Rob and I are dilegently working hard in the bedroom to concieve, everyone was kind enough to purchase some gifts for us. Most of it was gorgeous lingerie, but then there was stuff like "the turkey baster" and "pregnancy tests" and bottles of liquor LOL. Oh and we cant forget the "banana hammock" (don't ask) and the chocolate nipple pasties. It was all very insane.

The whole evening was nice, except for the part where every woman in the room got to help me practice for my make up for the wedding day.... BLINDFOLDED. I was laughing so hard that my mom got black lipstick on my teeth. LOL. We also had a rather interesting game of "put the broomstick in the toiletpaper hole" and of course everyone went around the room and told crazy stories about me.

My favorite part was the Astrologer. We hired an astrologer and each of us had about 20 minutes with her throughout the evening. She told me some interesting things, and mostly concentrated on Rob and I as a match. She was SPOT ON with 99% of what she said and I offered no previous information to her whatsoever. The other girls also thought she was quite accurate.

By the end of the night i was exhausted and when Rob arrived home, we retired to the bedroom. The next morning, Rob and I were lying in bed and as I adjusted my pillow, Rob said he saw something underneath it. This is probably the only SAFE picture I have that I can share in this public forum, but i thought it would funny. That's right ladies... its a banana. There were also several penis gummies on several windows in the house and on the glass in some picture frames.

All i can say is.....Revenge is Sweet.

anxiety

2008-05-02T08:15:00.006-05:00

This weather is like a dagger in my soul. My anxiety level has been about medium lately - which for me is rather high considering I have only had 1 anxiety attack in the last 2 years. Before that, well lets just say I'm lucky to be alive.

I managed to keep it in check at the Mets game recently. But I didnt realize how bad it was in my "old life" until a few weeks ago when I had a full blown anxiety attack at my girlfriend's house. Poor Rob was seeing the "old" Natasha and he didn't know what to do. Christy, of course, was all too familiar with this particular "Natasha" and she was able to talk me down over the course of 30 minutes or so.

What was the trigger of the anxiety attack, you ask? A damn movie. I am Legend. I just couldnt handle the darkness, the dog scene or the evil cries at night and just the thought that he was the ONLY person left in the world in this sorry existence. It was just awful. After I was feeling more like myself, I looked at her and said "How did i survive like this? I was like this EVERY single day". She shrugged her shoulders and said "I didnt know what to do for you, except let you talk".

So now having to deal with some of this anxiety again, I'm a little urked by my past. I know at least some of it is from this weather we've been having. Thanks mother nature. The dark cloudy skies, lack of any sunlight at all, and rain... rain... rain... Did you hear that rain at 4:30am this morning? It was like someone turned the faucet on in our bathroom and the sound was resonating through out the yard! It was so loud it woke me from my deep sleep.

Of course, my anxiety isnt JUST weather related - unless it rains for a week straight, then I am ready to kill someone. I'm sure i could put some blame on the whole nuptials thing and my tight deadlines at work this month... oh and we can't forget the whole baby-making thing, which by the way isnt AS difficult as i thought it would be. I'm really making an effort to not get my hopes up at the end of the month and just be happy that actually get my period. I know it seems like such a small thing...but it really is nice to be regular again.

Something else peaked my anxiety level yesterday. Rob's insurance company called and said Rob's car (and possibly Rob) had been involved in a hit and run with another vehicle somewhere in the Bronx last Saturday at 1am.

Yeah, ok!

Apparently someone reported a similar looking car and Rob's plate number to the police. UGH. The adjuster came and took a picture of his car, which by the way has a little bit of rust on his front grill, a whole lot of pollen dust and no obvious signs of crashiness whatsoever. (Yup, thats right... i said crashiness). And quite honestly, the closest we have gotten to the Bronx in the last 6 months is a Mets game in SOMEONE ELSE'S car! This is total craziness. So hopefully it will all work out. Rob's insurance guy hasnt seen the police report yet, but Im sure it will be interesting to see what it says. We think they have one digit off on the plate.

As you can see, life seems to be piling up on me at the moment, but I'm ready to face the world armed with some internal strength I obtained during the dark times in my life and a good man at my side. Oh, and a massage and manicure doesnt hurt either. Most women go out and buy shoes.... I buy spa treatments.

don't even go there

2008-04-29T13:37:00.006-05:00

Don't even talk to me right now. I'm having a moment.

my gramma is better than your gramma

2008-04-29T07:43:00.006-05:00

Ok, so i am biased. I can't help it.

Grandma's been in Maryland the last week or so staying with her two daughters down there. Her alzheimer's has taken been a challenge for everyone and so to give Grandpa (and the rest of us) a much needed break, she went to visit family down there.

Luckily though her two great-grandchildren live there and so her days were filled with fun an exciting activities with the girls.

On Saturday, Grandpa and I headed down there for the weekend to pick up Grandma. I was grateful for the time i go to spend with everyone, eventhough I will see them all again in 2 weeks and 4 days. (YES its that close!)

I love watching grandma play with her great-grandchildren because it reminds me of my childhood with her. I was blessed to live so close to her, and so we spent lots of time together hiking in the woods, baking bread etc. So watching her snuggle with my cousin's little girls made my heart melt and i couldnt help but snap a few dozen shots with my camera. Watching their interactions is priceless.

On a less happier note, I'm not pregnant. But the good news is my cycle is regular! Maybe next month!

Down to the Wire

2008-04-21T09:13:00.005-05:00

It's now 3 weeks and 5 days until the wedding. Last minute stuff is well underway like tragic meltdowns over tedious details and crazy facial breakouts. You can actually play dot-to-dot on my face. It's awful!

We are frantically tying bows on favors and going for last minute tweaks on the wedding dress alterations. The shower was two weekends ago and it was quite a nice party. Rob and I got lots of lovely things.

Over the last few weeks we have been approached by many people asking ... "are you excited".... "are you nervous"... "is everything done?"

Yes.... No.... pretty much...

Everything pretty much IS done. And I'm not nervous about getting married, though sometimes it baffles me that I actually found someone so fast. Overall, I think Rob and I have proven worthy of each other over the last year and half. We made it through some rough spots, spats and spits and still we find that the world is a better place when we're together.

Isn't that all that counts?

Truthfully though, I can't wait for regular life to resume at our house!

Fear

2008-04-18T14:53:00.003-05:00

Have you ever been afraid of heights? If so, then you know EXACTLY what i am talking about when i say "I hate the upper level of Shea Stadium".

Last night we went to see the Mets Play the Nationals at Shea. My girlfriend Christy had some extra tickets so she invited us and naive me accepted with pleasure..... without asking WHERE those seats were located. I had heard about that guy who fell off the escalators the other day and died. Craziness. I suppose my senses were extra heightened but i was NOT prepared for this....

We're all packed in the car (Rob, me and Luke in his car seat) all squished in the back and Brian starts talking about how high up the seats are. AGAIN I didnt give it any thought. If i can sit back row at the Nassau Colliseum, I can do anything!

I lied.

We started climbing stairs in the upper level for what seemed like FOREVER and i had such a panic inside me I couldnt even look back down. I just concentrated on the stairs in front of me and finding my seat as soon as humanly possible (without falling of course).

When we got near our row, suddenly the crowd in front of me stopped... on the stairs...

A plane roared over the stadium and my instincts of course were to look UP...BIG MISTAKE. PANIC. Oh MY GOD!I immediately diverted my eyes back down to the cement slab steps in front of me. I couldn't look up. All i could do was tug on Rob's shirt and ask..."what the heck is the hold up?".

FINALLY... the row started moving again. I grabbed the backs of the chairs in my row as I slowly made my way down the aisle, until ....What??? I have to walk PAST someone to get to my seat??? OMG. Luckily he was a friend of the group I was with because i grabbed his hand to shake him and I practically hugged the bastard. I quietly appologized.

My seat was calling out to me... "SIT DOWN YOU SILL GIRL". My butt was planted and I still hadn't looked down. My whole body was twisted to face everyone behind me.

Rob leaned over to me..."you ok?"

"um I will be..i think".

"I guess we're not coming to another Mets game with them, huh? (Christy and Brian bought a 15 pack with a whole bunch of people from his family).

"i dont think so". I said it calmly, but inside i was still FREAKING OUT!

"Are you going to be ok if you have to pee?"

"I'm only going down those stairs ONCE tonight...and when i do, I am NOT coming back up. I'll be fine. I just went to the bathroom before we came up here, thank god!".

By then, I had attracted attention to myself. Christy leans over...

"you ok?"

"I'm fine" I said with a fake smile on my face.

She knew. I have had height issues before and she's been my best friend for almost 20 years.

"Guess you wont be coming back here with us again, huh?".

She read my mind. "NOPE".

I did manage to turn around and watch the game. BUT i had to concentrate on the game or have a conversation with someone behind me. I freaked out when people were standing around me or climbing up or down over the chairs (the upper section was not full at all).

Rob was a saint and spent 45 minutes on line getting us some supplies. He missed nearly 3 innings. I just dont get why they have different lines for everything. One for beer (that i get), one for ice cream, one for chips and such... By the time you get through all the lines... jeeze.

It was also friggin' COLD! Luckily I brought a big fleece blanket. My mama didnt raise no fool! When that sun went down, the breeze picked right up and out came the blanket!

The game actually was good. We left during the middle of the 9th inning. It was about 10:00pm or so and we had a 3 year old with us who needed to get to bed.

Going down the stairs wasnt QUITE as bad as I thought. Rob walked in front of me and held my hand on his shoulder.

"I'll go slow" he said to me.

My God i love that man.

First Swim of the Season

2008-04-13T09:51:00.003-05:00

Remember that truly magnificent day we had last week?

Well, my boys both agreed it was time for the first swim of the season.... so off we went to the beach. As you can see they truly enjoyed themselves. The salt water does wonders for Copper's coat.

Grandma visits her Grandaughter

2008-04-12T10:03:00.005-05:00

I took Grandma to Connecticut yesterday to visit one of her grandaughter's (my cousin) Karen. We had a really nice day. It was challenging at times for Karen and me because Grandma repeated herself throughout the day. She also forgot where she was and who Karen was atleast once during the day, but Karen handled it well.

Rumors

2008-04-07T10:56:00.002-05:00

I know. You're wondering! Hmmm... Is she? Well...

Apparently the baby bug has been biting an awful lot of people lately. Here's the list:

1. My friend Christy - Christy has been my friend for almost 20 years now. She has a 3 year old boy Luke who I frequently write about. She is expecting #2 (a girl) in July. She'll be 7 months pregnant at my wedding LOL.

2. My cousin Melissa - this is #3 for her, and if she's really luckly, it will be #3 girl! LOL.

3. My cousin Kris - His wife Rachel is a few weeks along now and although Kris is nervous, he's also excited.

3. I also just heard my ex-husband's wife is pregnant.

Does anyone else want to add themselves to my list? There must be something in the air...

Now i know you are all wondering.... Am i pregnant?

Well....

NO. I'm not. But i want to be. And in fact Rob and I have been "practicing" for a few months now with absolutely no success. I have some issues with my ovaries that weren't really an issue until I decided to go off my birth control.

I know it may seem so immoral doing it "before" the wedding but in our hearts, we are already married. We pledged our life together the day he proposed and I accepted. Don't you wish it were that simple with every life-changing event? I do!

With that said, I visited with my doctor and he has made some good recommendations, including taking a medicine called Clomid. We'll see what happens. It may not happen at all, but i feel like we have to give it a try before moving on to other options.

Spring

2008-04-04T14:33:00.006-05:00

I havent really been posting pictures in my photography blog for a while now, so I thought i would incorporate it more into this blog.

Enjoy.

This one was taken with my blackberry at Jamesport Greenhouses - they sell retail at Lewin Farm in Wading River.

These next two photographs were taken with the big camera - the head honcho! They are from a wholesale orchid greenhouse in Riverhead.

Catching up

2008-04-04T08:37:00.008-05:00

side note: All the photographs I took in this blog entry were taken with my new blackberry. Friggin' awesome!

Its been a while since my last post and its mostly attributed to lack of time on my part. I have been working so much lately, except for this week because of this nasty cold I caught. No one else at work has it so I assume Rob brought it home with him. Lots of the guys he works with have kids and such and just the other day Rob was sneezing up a storm and a bit on the sniffly side. Fortunately for him, his cold only lasted a day or two. Mine lingered from Saturday until yesterday. Last night was the first night I hadn't used NYQUIL in 4 days. It was a rough road because i wasnt quite feeling awful enough to stay in bed all day long, but I knew if went into work I would be miserable. SO I just stayed home. Actually the secretary in my office ordered me to ... "Don't spread your germs around here"! I totally get it.

Today, despite the weather, I am feeling 90% better. Not quite 100% yet, but we're getting there. I'm really trying to focus on NOT bogging myself down with events and
plans every weekend these days. Keep It Simple Stupid....thats what they say right? And with 6 weeks to go before the wedding, I like the sound of that plan the best.

Rob and I are working on our gardens (both flower and vegetable) at home on the weekends, pending weather of course. Last weekend it was so sunny and beautiful on Saturday that I couldnt help but head to the garden center for some pansies. There actually wasnt that much of a supply. Not sure if I am late in the game or early. But i picked up a couple of flats of purple and yellow pansies, plant food, an extra bag of soil to add some nutrients to the soil, and some sunflower seeds. I spent the WHOLE day planting and cleaning and raking. And when Rob got home from work around 11am he felt energized and ready to start cleaning out the garage. Yippie! He did quite a bit too. We can actually walk to the back of the garage without stepping over anything! Of course, there was incentive. My grandfather bought us a lawn mower as a wedding gift. He was like a kid in a candy shop pushing that thing around the yard on Saturday afternoon.

On Sunday, when my cold had suddenly hit every inch of me, I recieved a call from my best friend Christy. "HELP! We need help putting together Luke's new swingset". You remember Luke. He's that cute little three year old that has Rob and I pretty much wrapped around his little pinky. So off we went armed with our most powerful tools - me with my tissues and honking nose and Rob with his hammer and screw gun. I was never very good with a hammer anyway...and even worse with a knife in the kitchen. (Another story for another time.)

When we arrived the swingset was mostly already put together - with the parts requiring more than 1 man and a 6 month pregnant lady still yet to be tackled. That being the roof and the slide. Rob LOVES this stuff... he and my friend Christy are fairly compatible in that they LOVE to work with their hands and building things is their specialty. Christy built their 6 foot high corner TV stand with a pull out DVD rack that sits in their living room. Dumbfounded by the sight all I had to say was... 'WOW! YOU made this?". Me? I'm good at handing people wrenches, hammers, screws and the directions when become baffled, which is pretty often! LOL!

By mid afternoon, Luke was sliding down the slide saying "this my swingset, tasha?".

"yup kiddo, it sure is!"

Christy sprayed the slide with some pledge to make it a little more slippery for him and on his next trip down, he landed square on his behind. Everyone laughed, including Luke. Then he was off without a moment's notice to climb the ladder for another run.

He was so elated by this massive new "toy" in his backyard. Gosh, it even brought a smile to my sickly, stuffed up face. I kept snapping pictures whenever i got the opportunity. This was an icon in his life. It brought me back to when i was his age and just as excited about my new swingset, which was bought by my grandfather to subdue the slow torture i was about to recieve when my brother came into our family. It worked, for the most part. Not that I don't love my brother. He's awesome! But well you know ...sibling rivalry is fierce! Besides that I have happy memories swinging away and sliding down my slide. It was summer time then and I would stick the hose on the slide to make it go extra fast.

Speaking of children..... stay tuned for the next blog!

yay or nay

2008-03-19T06:06:00.004-05:00

Head count:
45 yays
8 nays

I know I promised a blog about teen leaders, but I think I have to pass on it this week. Time is flying by now probably because i have been soooo busy!! I cant believe I'm getting married in 1 month and 29 days! Do you believe that crap? I still have some things to do, like my homework for the minister who's marrying us. We both have to write something down about why we love each other and why we chose each other. Who has the time?

I also have to write some stuff down for the DJ, but that can wait a couple more weeks. Other than that though, I really have decided not to make a big fuss over the details. I wasn't completely thrilled with having a big wedding (if 100 people is big by today's standards), but I know Rob really wanted one and I suppose it is kinda fun! We really tried to do the bare minimum with the exception of the photographer (big surprise there!) and I told him I wanted to hire a make-up and hair person to come to the house that morning..... 'It's supposed to be a relaxing day for me, so I want to get ready at home'.

Those were my only two stipulations. Pretty much everything else just kinda came together.

We got our first gift by mail today. My cousin's wife sent us a nice corningware set with a carrying case - i guess she cant make the shower. I know the shower is coming soon, but not sure what day it is. And to be perfectly honest I dont want to know. I am being a bad girl and peeking at my registry now and then. I know I know... its bad, but i cant help myself.

Most of all, I am looking forward to spending my life with Rob - a sweet, loving, hard-working man who adores me. We laugh so much together and it has definitely made an impact on our love. I highly recommend laughing with your spouse at every opportunity!

Quote for the week: To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Africa-bound!

2008-03-17T09:18:00.004-05:00

I have a blog I am working on about "teen leaders" but my schedule has been so jam packed it's very difficult to sit down and actually concentrate on writing something somewhat meaningful and interesting.

HOWEVER, my very dear friend Polly - humanitarian, unconditional-giver, and adventurer - left for South Africa yesterday on a mission to teach the local people how to farm, compost and other "earthy" stuff. She's very excited, as she has been to Africa once before on a similar mission a few years back. If she is able, she will be blogging from South Africa about her experiences. You can read about her experience here.

Ironically enough, Miss Polly is not the only one heading to another continent far, far away. My cousin Christopher left for Rwanda on Friday. Chris is an extremely talented videographer. He's done a lot of editing on movies and commercials and has a pretty awesome video "resume" from what I hear. He's working with a non-profit organization called One Acre Fund. You can learn more about them by visiting their website. Chris will be videoing the projects and progress of One Acre Fund for about 3 weeks.

His mom sent us all an email yesterday with a short update of his whereabouts:

Just a quick update to let you know I talked to Chris this afternoon and he has arrived safely to his destination in the countryside of Rwanda. He left Friday very early and arrived in Cigali (spelling? - the capital of Rwanda) yesterday. He stayed one night in an apt. of one of the workers for the agency and then was put on a bus for the 6 hour trip to his final destination. He is staying in the house of the founder of "one acre fund" and will start filming tomorrow (Monday, March 17th). He is VERY tired but said the country is absolutely beautiful. All his equipment arrived safely with him as well. He has already stretched his culinary palate to include goat shish kabab. I'll keep you all updated as I hear from him. He is scheduled to be back the end of the month.

I dont know if Chris is keeping a blog. He hadnt mentioned it in any emails, but if I hear more, I'll be posting the updates.

what? huh? did you say something?

2008-03-10T12:42:00.004-05:00

Invitations mailed....CHECK!

DJ, photographer, flowers, caterer....CHECK!

Crazy dreams about getting married naked....CHECK!

Finding something else to spend money on....CHECK!

Discovering your dress doesn't need to be taken in anymore....DEPRESSING!

::::: sigh ::::: who decided to change daylight savings anyway?

making history is more important than making money...

2008-02-27T16:27:00.006-05:00

Apparently that's Starbuck's new mission statement. I hear they're not doing so well, but who cares... they made history this week by closing down every single store in America for a 3-hour training session.

And why is this history?

Because every commentator, coffee connoisseur, and "analytical expert" in the country is talking about them! Even the starbucks "haters" have something to say!! It's marketing genius at its best! Now every PR and marketing director around the world is hitting their head against the wall, saying..."why the hell didn't I think of that!?!?!" Even me!

Of course, you know what they say about marketing??? The best ideas are someone else's with a twist... Look at Weird Al. JUST EAT IT!!!

Quote (not mine): "Coffee has been around for a thousand years. It will be around for a thousand more. Perhaps starbucks will stop being cool, but certainly not coffee."

Europe on my mind....

2008-02-20T15:45:00.005-05:00

I get these e-newsletters from National Geographic usually pertaining to world travel. Today's caught my eye rather quickly... a Shakespeare bookstore in Paris. I rattled a few brain cells staring at the picture until I realized...woohooo..I've been there...

Here's the link to the article.

Here's a link to my Europe blog with LOTS of photos. It's been sitting there ignored for quite some time now.

:::::Courageously and successfully hording off evil flu spirits... so far :::::

what do you mean farmers are busy in April?

2008-02-07T18:01:00.000-05:00

The other day I was responding to some emails when I came across one from a teacher. She was requesting farmer participation in an agricultural event at her school some time mid-april. My first thought was EXCELLENT, I'm glad to see that teachers are educating their students about farming and food and where it really comes from (the supermarket, right? :::giggle::).

I spent about 10 minutes compiling my thoughts down in an email. I was trying to explain that farmers work on a different kind of schedule than most people. You pretty much never see them Spring, Summer or Fall because, well, that's when they make money.

When I say that to people they often look at me and respond "hmm yeah I never thought of that". It astonished me that people never really got that part on their own...really!!

I remember way back when my dad owned a seasonal business. From April (and sometimes even March if the weather was cooperating) through October or November we didnt really see much of him. He was often gone in the morning before we were up for school and was never home on time for dinner. Through most of Spring he worked 12 and sometimes even 14 hours days. My mom would work a full-time job while coming home at night to do all the financial paperwork for the business. SHe'd be in the home office until 11pm some nights getting payroll ready for the next day.

As a family we never celebrated Memorial Day, Independence Day or Labor Day. While most backyards had smoking BBQs and pool parties, my backyard was quiet as a mouse. We hardly ever went to the beach or went on summer vacations. 'Work Work Work Work Work...No time for play. We must make our money now while the season is here.'

Sometimes I felt jipped out of a normal childhood- whatever that is - but as I grew older my dad reminded me (and still does today) that his business "put a roof over our heads and food on our table". The fruits of my dad's labor did not go unoticed, especially when he would drag me and my brother out to do hard labor in the summer heat. He wanted to remind us that no matter what kind of job we chose in the future, we should always do our best.

He called it "building character".

We called it "slave labor" and "cheap babysitting".

I love my dad (and mom too!!) and wouldn't trade my childhood for anything. He took us skiing all winter long and we went to Disney World in November and Dad NEVER had to work on Christmas day. In the summer we were always outside and when business was slow we would all take a short weekend trip to Washington DC to learn about our for-fathers!

I imagine it's pretty much the same thing for farming families here on Long Island, or just about anywhere in the world, so it was easy for me to explain to that teacher why a farmer couldn't participate in their agricultural fair in the middle of April. I just don't think it was so easy for her, or the many others who contact us, to really understand it. We get so many requests just like these and almost all of them respond "what do you mean their busy?".

And what's my #1 response to that?

"They're working... making a living.... putting a roof over their heads and feeding their families....".

Gosh that sounds familiar...

yeah...

2008-02-03T22:49:00.000-05:00

NUFF SAID!

Birthday flowers

2008-02-02T12:23:00.000-05:00

Look at the pretty flowers i got for my birthday today.

Collectors Items

2008-01-31T11:38:00.000-05:00

As you may or may not know, Rob and I live in his late Grandfather's house, so as you can imagine there's a lot of "stuff" hidden in the strangest places. Rob's Grandparents (Bob and Gladys) never threw anything away - which in some instances is not such a bad thing.

We found some wonderful treasures packed away upstairs in the storage area - like these books. Some of them date back to the late 1800s. We thought about selling them on Craigs List or something - like all the other stuff we're getting rid of - but after compiling them all together we saw we had a great collect. So now our built-in library in the hallway holds classics like Treasure Island and Christopher Columbus and Mark Twain.

It really does add character.

Girl Talk

2008-01-26T10:04:00.000-05:00

So i was in CVS the other day in the "feminine" aisle, buying...well you know... "feminine things" and I came across something rather unusual and quite annoying. Before me stood a shelf of assorted feminine items and right next to it a glass case - locked.

What, might you ask, would be locked in the feminine aisle???

Monistat.

Yup!

So let me see if I can get this straight. When i feel the burning and itch sensations coming on, I now have to ask the 16 year old boy behind the counter (whom by the way is just trying to earn enough money after school to save up for a car - poor innocent guy) to open the glass case and tell him exactly which "feminine product" I want.

I can only pray - for his sake - that he has NO clue what is actually taking place. For i fear he may never want to adventure south of the belt if he had any comprehension of what it was for!

um...yeah... SUPEBOWL!!!

2008-01-20T22:18:00.000-05:00

Giants vs. Patriots!

We are SO PSYCHED!!!!

The $13 centerpiece

2008-01-17T06:56:00.000-05:00

I'm quite proud of this you know!! Ikea rocks!

transition and updates

2008-01-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

Not much to say about the whole North Fork Parents thing that hasnt already been said on everyone else's blog, but I do want to add that I am sad Nancy will not be posting anymore. Maybe she just needs a break and will come running back into our blogging arms soon enough! 'Tis a waiting game! In the meantime i think I'll embarrass the crap out of her by putting up this picture! ---->

My brain has been like mush lately, which is why i havent posted anything of substance. Imagine PMS for 3 weeks - yeah, pretty bad. You know its really bad when youre sitting playing cards with your friends and you just start crying for no reason at all!! Poor Rob, he's been taking the brunt of it and handling it like a champ! I'm so proud of him! What a guy!

Wedding update
Well, its going! We got all the big stuff out of the way and we really did manage to plan this whole thing without spending a gazillion dollars. I've become cheap in my old age! I absolutely refused to buy a envelop bird cage for $50 when i know some post-bride is out there saying to herself "What the heck am i going to do with this birdcage?". Recycle! Recycle! Recycle!

It makes me sick thinking about all these vendors out there sucking these families dry just cause they can.... UGH. I was going to rent a bus or a limo that day to take us to the park to take pictures... NO WAY! I just want a limo for 2-3 hours to drive about 10 miles away and back and they want to charge me $300-$1000??? I dont think so.

So now we're getting into the nitty gritty crap, like the invitations(printing ourselves), programs (also printing ourselves - which are necessary due to some very old family traditions that require explanation), favors and other little stuff. The invitations came out gorgeous. I am very pleased. Thank god im marrying a graphic artist! LOL.

I have my first fitting for my dress at the end of February(which I think will also be my only fitting), giving me just a few short weeks to lose a few more pounds. HA! Today i completely blew it with a chicken cutlet sandwich, lettuce, tomato, melted cheddar on a hardroll and a small bag of North Fork Potato Chips (the sour cream and onion ones...yum!!).

Sometimes... you have to take a step back to keep moving forward and i totally support that with any diet! Hell it's worked for me. And it probably would still be working today if I hadnt met Rob... LOL...bonehead! Damn men! :) It's a good thing I love him so much!

Birthdays
Speaking of the man... its his birthday tomorrow. I'm so lucky I dont have to think about what to get him. He and I went to have dinner and see Les Miserables in the city on New Years Day. We figured it was a good way to celebrate both our birthdays (mine's Feb 2nd) and to see Les Mis before it disappears (again!).

We had a wonderful time - walked about 30 blocks in total. Ate dinner at Bubba Gumps. Time Square was still bustling with busy shoppers after the party the night before (10...9....8...7....side note: did you see Dick Clark? Someone should just put that guy out of his misery...really!). The streets were mostly cleaned up except for a few straggling pieces of confetti dropping down from the tops of buildings and some police baracades waiting for their pick up.

Anyway, just wanted to jot this down quick during my lunch break. Its time to get back to work, but i may just go home early today and take a nap. Feeling shitty! (HA! Six is right...that was liberating!). lol.

friends

2008-01-12T12:11:00.000-05:00

It's always nice when your friends come to visit. Michelle and Isabelle (the cute little 1 year old in the pictures above) stopped by for yummy dinner and some playtime last night. Schedules have been so tight for both of us lately that we haven't seen each other since October. So when she agreed to make the trek to Sayville i was THRILLED!

Major error discovered

2008-01-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

There has been a major error discovered in all of the textbooks and reference books around the world. Scientists are elbow deep into this sudden and rather shocking news. As it turns out.... one year does not equal 365 days.... it equals 2.5 inches!

WTG LUKE... Happy birthday buddy! You're growing leaps and bounds!

just for giggles

2007-12-31T14:41:00.001-05:00

Shhhhh its a secret...

I was home alone today and...just for giggles... i put my wedding dress on and twirled around a few times.

Hope you all had as wonderful of a Christmas as I did.